Hello God, it’s me…

Dedication: To all of the mothers that lose a child

April 12, 2020
I admit. I am LOST. I was just asked by son if when will his baby sister be coming back here from heaven. It’s so hard to find the right words to say to him, because I know he still won’t understand. I just told him that, she will no longer be coming back here anymore, she is in a very beautiful place now — with GOD in heaven. I know she is a child of God, God is so good that He allowed me to carry her, feel her, sing for her, let her feel my love for her, in 9 months’ time.

I was too positive that everything will be alright, was visualizing the beautiful future that we have for her. But everything shattered when she left us. I was talking to her that time I said “I won’t let go” and told her that “don’t let go of God’s hand” I don’t know if it’s a selfish thought or act. I just know from myself that God loves us and He answers all our prayers. But a prayer that stuck in my mind that goes, “He answers all our prayers IN A WAY THAT IS BEST FOR US”. I still don’t know what is that “way” God is talking about. Maybe not yet but eventually, I will know and I will understand.

I have a lot of questions in mind and was trying to answer it in a positive way. Like, this is much better because his baby sister will not undergo anymore heart procedures, an “open heart” procedure!!! better that she didn’t had the chance to have an emotional attachment with all the members of the family because it will be much harder and painful for everyone, especially to my son.

I was so hopeful that my last pregnancy is the only missing piece that will complete our family, so husband and I decided to have me ligated and due to unexpected circumstances, the doctors also removed my womb. So everything now did not happened as we planned. That’s the time I thought that nothing is above God’s plan. We should trust Him on His plans for us. But of course, it is just too painful for me to loss a precious child and to know that you won’t be able to bear a child anymore.

This is also the time I realized that not everything you envisioned will be in its place maybe because it is not what God’s have envisioned for you. What I have right now is TRUST, HOPE, FAITH and LOVE for GOD that one day I will understand everything. I have to keep going for my son and for my husband. We still have a beautiful future ahead of us that God has written. my precious daughter will always be in my HEART, in OUR HEARTS, but today we should move forward in the path that God wants us to be. Focus on HIM and everything will be in the right place at the right time.