I’m a United States sailor. I’m away from home. And I have severe anxiety and bi polar disorder. While I’ve been away I had a manic episode. I started to sleep around. Drink so much I didn’t remember days at a time. I thought I could rule the world. While this was going on I had a fiancé back home. I would just think he won’t know. I can do anything I want. I hurt him so badly. Well, one day a friend of mine told him I was cheating. The week before I had come out of the manic episode and was in a severe depression for all that I had done. I woke up one day and my ex had blown up my phone. Called me a slut, a whore, disgusting, you name it he called me it. To try to talk to him I called. I tried to talk but he started saying I was a f****d up person, he wish I’d never been born, wished I had never come into his life.. wished I was dead… that last part hit me deep. Yes I hurt this man deeply but I loved him and he wanted me to die? So I very calmly hung up. I was crying, couldn’t breathe, and felt like my heart was about to beat out of my chest. I sent him one last message. I told him “you will never have to worry about me again. I’m sorry…” and I walked into the kitchen. Still crying I started to contemplate. Should I use the knife 4 feet away, or jump off my 5th story balcony. As I started to reach over my phone started ringing. I looked over and saw it was my mom. I looked at my hand reaching and broke into tears all over again and answered my phone. I cried on the phone and told my mom everything. At the end I told her I just want to die. I told her I loved her and I was sorry for being a terrible child. She stopped me and told me everything was going to be okay. I realized at that moment I needed help. I told my mom I was okay and would talk to her later and hung up. I put on shoes and grabbed my ID and had myself admitted to the hospital. It was the hardest decision of my life. But I knew in my head I needed to live but in my heart I wanted to die. Had that phone not rang, my life would’ve ended.. I’m beyond thankful for my mom