Unbroken: Breaking Free From The Chains Of Pain

Dedication: I dedicate my story to all the girls and women worldwide while are struggling and so much more etc

Trigger warning: Before reading this post, please be aware that it contains references to childhood rape and other experiences of sexual assault.

Hello my name is saida luvenia Mahoney I am 25 years old I am from Oakland California

I am Jewish

My birth date is September 22nd 1996

I am a full time student in college I am a music, dance, theatre, film and songwriting major I also enjoy doing cheer as well

I am a student at Sacramento City College, American River College, Sierra College and Butte College.

I’m proud to be a performing arts major my goal is to graduate college and continue my performing arts studies at the University level and have a professional career doing music, dance and theatre.

I will also be starting my journey in participating as a Athlete with the Special Olympics Of Northern California

I am also part of the Aktion Club

I am also proud to be part of the Miss Amazing pageant I am thankful that I was crowned the 2021 California Miss Amazing Miss Queen title I am forever grateful.

I was also able to go to the Miss Amazing Nationals Summit in Nashville it was such a huge wonderful experience I am forever thankful and grateful that I got to participate in the ceremony

I am honored that I was able to represent my state at the nationals

I love doing music, I love dancing and theatre it means the absolute world to me doing performing arts and I couldn’t ask for anything better.

I also go to music school as well

I am part of the Bay Area Thrive Program
I also love to play sports and travel

When I was in high school I have done choir and theatre as well as dance

My life has challenges I have went through a lot growing up and over the years and I wanted to share my story and bring awareness of what I go through so that whoever else is struggling with any medical conditions or disability I hope he or she can find comfort and support in reading this

I have 3 rare chronic complex diseases that I am diagnosed with

I am also diagnosed with multiple disabilities, Chronic Medical Conditions, Mental Health Disabilities and Physical Disabilities.

I was born with a rare chronic congenital genetic disease called Partial Trisomy Of 8q, partial 8q duplication, or you can call it Partial Trisomy Of 8q, and or Partial Duplication Of 8q and lastly Partial Duplication Of 8q Syndrome

My genetic condition is congenital meaning I was diagnosed with it since I was a baby

It is also known as a chromosomal duplication disorder

I have copies of chromosome 8 and it is longer than it’s supposed to and the reason why is because it has an extra copy of some information due to how it affects me and how it affects my DNA and cells.

My condition has affected every cells and dna of mine

I was born with anomalies due to my genetic condition

My genetic disease affects my growth stature due to my height Level

My genetic disease cause me to have oral dysphagia it affects me in different ways when eating and drinking

and it also cause me to have a few facial abnormalities as well

I have craniofacial abnormalities due to my genetic disease

It also caused me to be delayed in walking I wasn’t able to walk right away or talk that well when I was a little girl.

My genetic disease cause me to be both physically and mentally handicapped

In my case my genetic disease is a mild and moderate medical condition.

I also have Asthma and Scoliosis and multiple disabilities as well I have also been diagnosed with over the years growing up

When I was 2 years old I had to have emergency surgery on my Lung due to a ring defect as a result from my genetic condition and also due to the anomalies that I was born with.

If I didn’t get the surgery I would have died.

My genetic condition is a complex genetic disease it also affects my brain function of how it functions and all the ways it causes me to have numerous difficulties and challenges in life.

My genetic disease is a very very Rare condition

My genetic condition also causes me to be handicapped due to how my genetic disease affects my Brain function and it also causes me to struggle on a daily basis in Life.

My genetic disease is also a neurodevelopmental disability due to all the ways I have been affected by my condition.

My genetic disease also causes me to have a few difficulties with how I do intake with my eating and drinking

As I get older I will have either a few or some changes due to my genetic disease as time go by

The Anomalies from my genetic disease is what cause me to be at risk of other challenges in life due to my genetic condition and the chromosomal abnormalities I was born with and continue to have.

I have multiple disabilities due to my genetic disease that I have been diagnosed with over the years

My genetic disease cause me too have differences in my brain and how my brain is developed and my skull

My genetic disease also causes me to have differences in my spinal cord and how it’s shaped due to how it’s shaped and developed

I don’t let my genetic condition stop me from doing absolutely nothing

I have also been diagnosed with another rare chronic disease called Hidradenitis Supprativa (HS) also known as others such as (Pyodermia Sinifica Fistulans, Velpeau’s Disease, Fox Den Disease,
Verneuil’s Disease, Acne Conglobata, Apocrine Acne, Apocrinitis.)

Having HS is a rare chronic illness.

My HS is also a rare complex disease

I am undergoing different treatment plans and I recently started injection treatment plan to help get my HS under control so I can get better

I have been in the hospital lots lots of times due to my disease

Having HS is a very overwhelming condition to have

My HS has caused me to have pain and discomfort where I had to go to the hospital to get help to find ways for it to get better because I was in so much pain I am currently getting different treatments for my HS when I am not in the hospital I have a in home treatment plan for my disease when I’m not in the hospital.

I will have painful cysts and scars from my disease too me when I look at my scars I view them as my tiger stripes because I am fighting hard and I am in the biggest battle ever with my disease

I have been having so much pain, bleeding and swelling and discomfort due to my disease and it has been very very hard

I receive many many injection treatments for my HS.

I will continue to fight this overwhelming disease and fight hard

I had Stage 1 Hidradenitis Supprativa

As I get older I am hoping that my HS doesn’t get worst as time go by and it end up becoming a full on severe medical condition for me

Recently my HS have progressed and it is now a stage 2 (moderate) disease I will be receiving a strong treatment plan to help my HS get better so it can start improving

The rough overwhelming part about my HS is that it is moderate to severe

I am also hoping that I don’t end up having to get surgery done for my Hidradenitis Supprativa or any type of operation done if I ever do need to have surgery for my Hidradenitis Supprativa I will keep my head held up high and be strong

My medical team is working very very hard to prevent my HS from reaching the 3rd and final stage and that’s stage 3

I am due to get surgery done due to my HS I have to get 3 surgeries done

I am also diagnosed with a third chronic rare disease called Vascular Ring the formal name for my rare disease is called Congenital Heart Disease (CHD)

Vascular Ring is a condition that affects the heart of how it is developed and shaped and more

I have my Vascular Ring disease due to my genetic disease

Due to my Vascular Ring my heart is not shaped and developed like the average heart my cardiologist said I don’t need to get any surgery done for my disease and I don’t need any medication

My cardiologist said if anything changes where things get so bad for me where I can’t do anything that I do and can’t eat food that I would have to get surgery done for me to be able to get better

Being diagnosed with 3 rare chronic diseases is hard but I am going to fight harder than ever and I will never give up I won’t back down and I will not go quietly

I have went through so much bullying due to my genetic condition and I have went through losing many many friends due to my genetic condition cause my friends told me that they didn’t want any disabled person around them.

Sadly there are no cures for my rare diseases, my disabilities and my medical conditions I hope someday that will change

Having rare complex chronic medical conditions , scoliosis, mental health disorders and other disabilities as well have put a huge impact on me it is also overwhelming sometimes as well both emotionally and mentally

I am also physically disabled

I also have struggles of my mental health disorders Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) , Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) Panic Disorder and Major Depression Disorder (MDD) I also struggle with Social Anxiety as well I struggle with a lot due to my diagnosis and struggles from dealing with bullying and more etc.

I used to self harm for 9 years years due to emotional pain due to severe bullying and I was always feeling depressed

I used to want to commit suicide by jumping from the Golden Gate Bridge and often times I struggled with wanting to commit suicide by using Motrin

I also tried to commit suicide numerous times I chose not to do it I got into music and it saved me

I had went through a very very difficult moment when I had wanted to die and I tried to commit suicide when I was young due to all the difficulties that I have dealt with from bullying

I used to struggle with self harm too for a extremely long long time I was struggling with severe depression and I felt that I didn’t have a worthy life

My PTSD comes from all the abuse I went through with all the bullies I have dealt with growing up and abuse from a friend as well and the sexual assaults I went through, being molested at 9 years old, being Raped at 12 years old and going through Domestic Violence as well I went through so many difficulties and I was dealing with so many flashbacks and panic attacks and so much more where I needed professional help right away.

I struggle with my anxiety due to things that is hard for me based on past experiences and memories from all the difficulties that I have dealt with.

I also have another medical condition Tourette’s Syndrome (TS) it is a neurological disorder that make everything very difficult and challenging for me everyday 24/7 I struggle with having my tics and vocal tics and motor tics as well it makes going to school hard and it makes social interaction hard as well

I struggle with having tic attacks when I am very very anxious and I often feel like I lose full control of my body when the tic attacks happens

I also deal with getting discriminated from going to other colleges and I struggle with not being able to be welcomed to do certain activities and programs due to my Tourette’s I have lost so many friends due to my Tourette’s syndrome.

Another disability of mine that I struggle with is having Autism Spectrum Disorder I have Aspergers Syndrome it makes certain social skills interactions hard i also struggle with knowing how to handle conversations too I also struggle with stimming and so much more etc

I struggle with other things related to my Aspergers as well

I struggle with my NVLD as well

I am thankful to have a good treatment plan for my TS and I want to be able to help others feel that they are not alone with TS.

I have other developmental and neurodevelopmental disabilities that I am diagnosed with

I am also diagnosed with Learning Disabilities as well.

Being diagnosed with multiple disabilities chronic medical conditions, Physical Disabilities and mental health disabilities is very very challenging and overwhelming and sometimes rough I have learned how to continue to stay strong through it all and keep my head held high

I am so thankful for all of my wonderful medical teams who are helping me out with all my disabilities and my chronic medical conditions and so much more I am also thankful that they are supportive towards me emotionally .

I will stay strong and keep fighting hard

I have learned how to keep fighting and to stay strong through all the difficulties

I am a survivor of all the difficulties and pain I have dealt with over the years and growing up and dealing with my diagnosis

I am a Survivor of Self Harm

I am a Survivor Of Child Abuse

I am a Survivor of Suicide Attempts

I am a Survivor of Domestic Violence

I am a Survivor Of Childhood Rape

I am a Survivor Of Child Molestation

I am a Survivor Of Child Sex Trafficking also known as Human Trafficking

I am a Survivor Of Emotional Abuse

I am a Survivor Of Child Sexual Exploitation

I am also a survivor of sexual assaults

it was a very very extremely traumatizing and emotional experience for me going through everything I went through

I learned how to get through everything and get myself help and resources and I want to giveback to help others feel like they have a strong support and advocate.

Here’s all the things I have went through

I was involved in a summer camp when I was 9 years old and I was playing board games with my friends from my camp and it was almost snack time

I was getting ready to go get my water bottle and when I walked away from the game the camp counselor who was 30 years old had kept making sexual references

He kept saying that he wanted to touch me and I told him no I told him no twice he ignored me completely

He ended up grabbing on my vagina and my boobs and it was so painful

He was also physically abusive towards me and emotionally abusive to me

These are following things that happened to me when I was only 9 years old

I am a Survivor Of not only Childhood Rape, not only am I a survivor of domestic violence and sexual assaults

I am also a survivor of Child Abuse and I am also a survivor of Child Molestation as well

I was 9 years old when I was abused and molested I was going to summer camp and the camp was going good in the beginning I had friends I would do outdoor activities with my friends and I enjoyed using the computer with my friends I also did trips with my friends as well.

Later on in the camp the Camp Counselor who was 30 years old at the time

the camp counselor started to hang under my friends and I the camp counselor started to stare at me I was always feeling so nervous and overwhelmed because he was not looking at me in no good of a way at all

I went back to the camp my friends and I did outdoor activities cause the weather was nice and we spent a few hours outside after we was done outside we went inside and did our computer games and board games

My friends and I did our board games and activities when they went on their first snack break I went to the computer cause I wanted to go on my favorite computer websites when I went to the website the camp counselor was right behind me and he was watching everything I was doing on the computer

He told me that I had to get off the website I was on and I told him I didn’t want to he got very angry he disconnected the computer and he hit me with the keyboard and he ended up punching me and he slapped me

Every time I went to the computer the counselor hit me with the keyboard

When I was outside on the playground the camp counselor would throw rocks at me when I was able to get on the playground and went to the 2nd floor level the camp counselor ran up to me and pushed me off the deck level and I ended up landing on the thick memory foam mats at the bottom thankfully I didn’t get injured seriously.

It was times where he would hit me in my back with a big stick that he used to carry it was so painful of a experience

It was extremely painful

The camp counselor was also abusing me emotionally too he used to always call me handicapped he used to call me a sick dog

He always talked about my learning struggles he used to call me lots of names and criticized me with everything And so much more

My friends came to me and asked me why I was in tears I was way too scared to tell them what happened

My friends decided to do the board games with me we did that for a while 2 hours later they decided to go for the last snack break and water break

I had my water bottle in the other room and I left to go get my water bottle and when I got to the the room to get it the camp counselor was right there and when I tried to run to leave the room the camp counselor pushed me up against the wall and he ended up molesting he grabbed my vagina and my boobs and it was extremely painful i ended up being swollen and in so much pain where I couldn’t move and walk he ended up doing it again to me for the second time.

during my last week which was the second week of camp after everything that happened to me I left the camp and went to a brand new camp

I was in so much emotional pain from the camp I stopped going on my favorite websites I stopped playing board games I used to play with my friends

I changed up my look completely I didn’t like my look I had no more

I stopped wearing certain shoes cause I didn’t want to look how I did when I was going to the camp

I was depressed so much I had days where I did not want to eat at all and I didn’t like having snacks either for a while

When I went to the new camp the director had to give me my water bottle cause I was too scared to get it myself

I went through years and years of having this pain inside me for so long I ended up having a meltdown

I had moments in my life where I literally just wanted to die I was feeling so depressed

I was only 9 years old at the time.

The other painful traumatizing moments I went through was when I was 12 years old and my first ever boyfriend I had at the time Raped me he was 14 years old at the time

I went to his house to visit him and his mother had left the house and I was the only female in the house it was himself and his father

He took me in his bedroom because he wanted us to play video games on his play station and when I went inside his room he locked the door I was so nervous when he locked the door

He then asked me if I wanted to have sex with him I told him no not at all I didn’t want to have sex at the age of 12

He pushed me on his bed and got on top of me and he had sex with me after I told him no he forced me to have sex with him I told him I didn’t want to

It was a very very painful experience

The second sexual assault that happened to me was when I was on the bus the bus driver was a man it was myself and a older boy

I was 16 years old and he was 22 years old

The guy kept making so many remarks too me
He kept saying that I was hot and that he wanted me and then he told me that he wanted to grab me and grab my boobs I told him no he asked again and I told him no again and I explained to him that I was not going to give him no consent I didn’t want anyone grabbing my boobs

He ended up coming to my seat and he grabbed me so hard and he grabbed me by my boobs so hard that I was in pain

I was in tears

The bus driver had gotten off the bus the driver allowed it to happen

I felt so ashamed after it happened I was afraid to tell anyone of what happened

The third time I was sexually assaulted was by my boyfriend at the time he was starting to mistreat me and he decided to pin me against the wall and he said he wanted to try new things on me he said he didn’t want to do anymore hugging and he said he wanted to mess with my vagina and I told him No I told him I don’t want that to happen and he don’t have my consent and no permission to do so

He decided to pin me to the wall and he messed with my vagina and he was literally hurting me so bad he had his fingers inside and I couldn’t even move cause the pain was bad I was so scared to tell my school counselor and teacher I was too scared and afraid to tell anyone

The fourth time was the worst moment my boyfriend at the time threatened me to do oral sex with him and I told him no I will never do that he forcefully put my mouth around his penis and when I tried to move my head he kept trying to keep my head on it and when I was finally able to break away from the grip he hit me

I went to a different area and my male friend and his good friend he ended up grabbing me after I told him no

My boyfriend used to also be physically abusive towards me he used to always punch me in my stomach, he used to hit me on my shoulder and he also used to hit me on my neck too

He used to punch me in my stomach so hard that it was hurting me so bad I literally wanted to cry when he punched me I was afraid to react because I didn’t know what he would have done to me

I tried to leave the relationship the first time I was scared when I stayed in the relationship he continued to mistreat me

Being in a relationship that was full of domestic violence and other forms of abuse was so hard and difficult for me emotionally and mentally I was so traumatized

I was in so much pain from everything that I ended up self harming just to numb myself from the pain I was feeling

I was a silent sufferer dealing with all of my pain and it was getting harder on me it got to the point where I couldn’t breathe cause the emotional weight was so heavy

He was both physically and sexually abusive towards me and many other things as well

I was able to completely leave the relationship after 2 years

I was able to get strength to be able to get help and get myself the best resources

I now have myself a very very strong support system

It was very very hard, emotional and difficult experiences for me it was very very traumatizing for me to go through and live with

It was times I used to think that everything was my fault once I got older I learned that it wasn’t my fault at all

I have Lived decades as a Silent sufferer I was dealing with the weight of the pain for such a long time that as I continue to get older I couldn’t take the weight of the pain I went to my doctor appointment I had scheduled and I reached out to my mother and told my mother everything my mother knew about some of the things I went through but not all because every time I wanted to open up about everything I ended up getting so emotional

When I told my doctor about all the abuse I went through she was very supportive and she made me feel so much better and she told me about this wonderful organization called RAINN

when my doctor told me that she wanted me to reach out to RAINN it was at that moment that help and hope was on the way and I was ready

I dialed the RAINN hotline number and I got to talk to the advocate about everything I went through and the advocate was so supportive I got connected to numerous support services and support groups and it was such a huge healing process and healing journey for me

I felt so much happier and I felt free from all the emotional weight that I carried for so many years it felt so good being able to get help and having support from my amazing mother and my friends and my fantastic medical team as well

I am also thankful for NAMI as well

I have learned how to stay strong and to never give up and I am very very inspired by my music artists and bands who I have grown up listening to

I am a SuperHero who has fought through all of the pain and struggles and so much more etc

My music artists and Bands who have inspired me so much and motivated me to be brave and inspired me to raise my voice and follow my dreams are The Eagles, Justin Bieber, Glenn Frey, Don Henley, Linda Ronstadt, Katy Perry, Dolly Parton, Timothy B Schmit, Joe Walsh, Pat Benatar, Reba McEntire, Dan Fogelberg, Dottie West, Lacy J Dalton, Connie Smith, Shelly West, Porter Wagoner, Tom Petty, Poco, ZZ Top, Tammy Wynette, Hank Locklin, Kenny Rogers, Garth Brooks, Little Big Town, Tom Petty, Journey, Foreigner, Jack Tempchin, Bob Seger, Foreigner, Journey, Peter Cetera, KT Oslin, Demi Lovato, Van Halen, The Doobie Brothers, Michael McDonald, Martina McBride, Trisha Yearwood, Huey Lewis and The News, Merle Haggard, Carla Olson and The Textones, Jackson Browne, Loretta Lynn, Vince Gill, Amy Grant, JD Souther, The Beatles, Steve Perry, Elvis, Dan FogelBerg, Demi Lovato and so many many more artists and bands

I am thankful for all of my good Amazing friends I am so thankful for my miss amazing family and friends as well

I wanted to share my story and bring awareness to my diagnosis so that others who are going through the same thing don’t have to feel alone or overwhelmed

I don’t want anyone to be struggling

You Are Not Alone and You Are Never Alone

My Wattpad username is AHERONAMEDSAIDA you can access all 7 of my books and all of my other books I will be working on and publishing later on on the Wattpad platform

I am the proud author of the seven books I have written and published on the wattpad platform

Here are the links to my 7 books I have proudly written and published

https://www.wattpad.com/story/259234397?utm_source=ios&utm_medium=link&utm_content=share_writing&wp_page=create&wp_uname=AHERONAMEDSAIDA&wp_originator=kXP1YIaQ0cb3J3i2xdRuE%2Bk9IsnEA%2Bl4hqO8FCVbd2eKPb8IesEYx3HIgdP%2FN6Nxh6R5ETi9lZIz87iFhYbBaiPFoGjK3U%2FayqOO0r%2BUd8rCp0cEtO930yV6g98GxvG7

https://www.wattpad.com/story/293938115?utm_source=ios&utm_medium=link&utm_content=share_writing&wp_page=create&wp_uname=AHERONAMEDSAIDA&wp_originator=13NlVyM0KwWNgzF04F7wS8pEKte8hZA8T0QmLC96qp4Ztq6eRmJONWzKsoEOtpELBrIHMA5tBYXOhMpoWuIMmAaZ7Oe1eWzHWUDVBfEfn1xeajz7vxaGC6PpYgU%2FYwp8

https://www.wattpad.com/story/296241094?utm_source=ios&utm_medium=link&utm_content=share_writing&wp_page=create&wp_uname=AHERONAMEDSAIDA&wp_originator=q0m16yzCJs4AXdLgOaanlGpyXeEpeY%2BzT6qRkXLu%2Fto1SYVYANTBeWkuXjIz9u0ghkHYRjvzjAwq5bEqTJ%2BcNIp54idGBj5AntLrgJqV9adIRIuDLL3WzDM4nE5hFpWe

https://www.wattpad.com/story/301998758?utm_source=ios&utm_medium=link&utm_content=share_writing&wp_page=create&wp_uname=AHERONAMEDSAIDA&wp_originator=j2mk2U7eeoRbZeXmrZ0yGvPNwo80R%2FpeTbDG6JcER5cGZcZGdeEqslj1mKX5gcEurIgNgKH29IRxorXu7uJMYv2cNb%2FyUzDxugVYXYMO5wf0CgrPc0Xu%2FDgfUG2teDVB

https://www.wattpad.com/story/277474638?utm_source=ios&utm_medium=link&utm_content=share_writing&wp_page=create&wp_uname=AHERONAMEDSAIDA&wp_originator=3iCgSxCbiJ%2Fy%2FQxiza5XvmQPGmXbESkheGFBoV8bp1%2FychgyMQ58YUX49NtrBZdMmNPaO9stg0NikIjeelio3nHGEI7tqOUTUSXuSDDABfYH0865C2qHhtGE49ks%2FGY1

https://www.wattpad.com/story/307735090?utm_source=ios&utm_medium=link&utm_content=share_writing&wp_page=create_story_details&wp_uname=AHERONAMEDSAIDA&wp_originator=QLEtdUSVXnMlcPO6PamuCA75yuSUGnczTUYLuRrg51qhiRse3SJ4ZxS2uSbIt2nmBWDpsgqEPqoLJccbkbXM6Kp4twqVTN50OEfKcgLfPlCSlS7vZ0himZFRXnGmIHH%2F

https://www.wattpad.com/story/304782879?utm_source=ios&utm_medium=link&utm_content=share_writing&wp_page=create&wp_uname=AHERONAMEDSAIDA&wp_originator=mKyoxAzrELmlhOpYZmZsnVKowln9bpZLqpGz0aicvnu0W0sZauBUiSJErlaWHQohT5Mg7FOGyiB8SvXf6MvrTYKyB%2BKDF2hgRdf7DgT5gZLsPLHp9p756ssj8EPr3tD9

If you ever want to reach out to me my Twitter is @WONDERGIRLSAIDA @SUPERGIRLSAIDAM @AGIRLNAMEDSAIDA and @AHERONAMEDSAIDA my Instagram is @WONDERGIRLSAIDA @AHERONAMEDSAIDA @AGIRLNEDSAIDA @SUPERGIRLSAIDAM ( TikTok @WONDERGIRLSAIDA @AHERONAMEDSAIDA)

My Facebook is saidamahoney

My links to my episodes I have proudly done on my podcast channel