I was a girl with no social skills. I didn’t have any good friend and even now after all these years I am still the same lonely and introvert girl.
I didn’t know where to share my situation so now I am writing down here.
When I was eight yrs old i got admitted in a school in 2nd grade and all started from then on.I was very innocent child who didn’t know how to speak my mind or say no to others and this was the reason I suffered so much .I used to sit alone on a seat behind the class and he was very smart, active and handsome boy.We were completely apposite you can say i wasn’t bad in studies infact was above average but still seemed to be dumb.I liked him ver much i didn’t know that time it was love.I was so small and was unaware of these feelings.
For five years i studied there worked hard in studies just to be worthy enough for his friendship . Whenever i entered class my eyes tried to find him first and when whole class used to laugh at me i looked at him first to get his reaction.When he was playing i used to sit by the window just to look at him.He was a magnet I was attracted to him like a stupid girl.
I used to get heart throbbing whenever he was close to me accidentally.I felt a current in my body whenever he touched my hands to take notebook or pencil. I felt weird why all this happening to me. He joked around me i felt expectation, nervousness and bit fear if he will also reject me like most of the children or teacher. We talked very less in those years but my soul and heart was still very close to him.I was so focused on him that every person was like a background to me in his presence.
After this whole struggle in my heart at last five years later my father took me for the admission in another school.I was heartbroken not because school attachment but because I will never see him again. It happened all of sudden that I never got chance to say him goodbye.I didn’t even have his address or contact no.There were no friends so that I can get his information.
That time i didn’t try hard and after few years when I understood my feelings it was too late.
After that year i thought I will forget him eventually but .. I was wrong .For next fifteen years i dreamed about him.It seems to be far fetched but yes he was in my dreams for so long.Even now I see him in my dreams sitting in a class talking to me. Sometimes kissing me platonic kisses like on forehead or simple peck on lips. I never had that kind of feelings after that not with my boyfriend or my husband i never felt this heartthrob or heartache again.
I knew then I lost my only love and soulmate that year.