Am i the bad friend

Everything started on the first day of school in the academy. It was the first time I saw everyone face to face after 2 months of online class. So my class was a pretty small group so we got along really quickly and during my first week at this school I met my “bestfriend”. She actually clung to me and she said she found me really Iconic and when she saw my feed on insta,she told me she was a lesbian and wanna be friends with me since im a very open person I said yes

Fast forward to a few months later, She had her first panick attack at school and I was really scared for her and since I was the student Council of the class I was supposed to attend her but I also had this important meeting with the Student Council Members and I had to make our Class captain of our class take my shift. After I was done with the meeting I messaged her saying “Hey, when you feel better text me back”. But she never actually replied…i was so worried when she got back to school after 3 weeks I discovered that she has PTSD so that’s why she had that. Then she was fine I mean I really thought so.

After a few months going to school she started not showing up ’cause she either felt anxious or was to lazy to come to school so I told her everytime to text me or one of our classmates to send u notes so that you can catch up don’t depend on us as we are also really busy but she didn’t listen to me so she failed the 1st term and the the 2nd term comes that’s when our friendship started to deteriorate.

I’m always prepared to go to school, I always have my wipes for good hygiene,perfume and (Soap and en extra clothes for gym class) and one time I remember I only had one pen ’cause all my pens’ were either dry or ran out of ink and then when she asked me for a pen and i told her I didn’t have one she told everyone acting like she knew me but 99% of the time she isn’t there and she told everyone that they shouldn’t ask me for anything ’cause I would say that I don’t have it and that they should look in bag so that I gave them what they want and I was really mad that she said that and keep in mind that I never told anything about her ’cause I don’t really know anything about her. And then she always brag about me having money and that I’m a “rich spoiled brat” since I got a new phone within less than 24hours but what she doesn’t know is that my phone got broke at the same time when I got severely injured and since my parents knew I had a lot of responsibilities at school and I should always stay on stand by since I had an important event on the next day and since my parents was actually saved up to buy me new phone on my birthday, they at that moment was the time they give me a new phone.

Then MUN came and the head team came to pick me up in my class for singing practice since I would singing for the opening and closing ceremony and debating also and that’s when I caught feelings for my crush and since he was my singing partner we got a little bit close. And since I was really crushing on him really hard, I kept it a secret from my classmates and my bestfriend since I knew they will judge my taste in guy and my bestie doesn’t go to school often. After a month I finally told my bestfriend that I liked him and I knew that he wasn’t the hottest guy at school but I loved him because he was really mature, responsible, smart and really kind and I fell for him for that but then after a week she told me that she liked him and please bear in mind that i only told her that I liked him and I knew she was gay so I was a bit confused but I didn’t think anything of it since she knew I liked him.

She also told me that she doesn’t listen to me because she straight relationship doesn’t interest her but when she tells me about all the girls she has crushes on I listen to her and when she said that it really hurts me. But even though she doesn’t listen to me I always talked about me and Tim( my crush) then she said that I can’t be with him since she is gonna marry him by using all her connections to make him marry her and I thought that it was a joke but then she told everyone openly that she’s gonna marry him and the fact that I was the one that told her about my crush and no one knew about it made me cry ’cause when I’m gonna tell my classmates about they are gonna feel like im the bad person and not only that when she talk about a friend of mine and she said that she was a “pick me” I told her that she looks kinda like a pick me but she’s actually nice but she didn’t listen to me as usual and told everyone that I talked bad about her even though I knew her before she even got to know her qnd that’s nade me really depressed.

I’m always the one everytime she’s absent to convince the teachers to let her to her tests for her not to fail thus term again. I’m always the one that keeps telling her to take notes or tells the teacher to explain to her what we’ve done when she was not there so that she doesn’t fall behind but she still doesn’t listen to me and says that I’m the fake friend. And sometimes I really think that I’m the fake friend and I should let him go ’cause she wants him but the problem is that I really like him and he likes me too but I feel so bad and is always worried about her that im falling behind myself.

Please tell me what to do ’cause I don’t anymore…Am I really a bad friend…
Photo credit: Image provided by the storyteller.