Trigger warning: Before reading this post, please be aware that it includes references to childhood rape and abuse.
My name is Kylie. And I am a survivor. Some backstory my dad was never in my life he left when he found out my mom was pregnant. I was born premature and was placed on a feeding tube. Which I pulled out. I had to learn to feed and fast. My grandma would try bottlefeeding me and I finally ate! My mom and I moved into an apartment when I was about four till I was five. Those were good times. My mom was happy and working. I went to daycare and my grandpa would pick me up and take me to their house until my mom got off work. Things were great! Then my mom and I moved into a big house with a guy. I didn’t mind him but it was a little weird I never really got to see him before we moved in. He’d always come to the apartment at night when I was sleeping. It was cool though to have a dad like all the other kids. Life was good. I had everything I could’ve ever wanted. When my brother Andrew was born and everything changed. My mom got really depressed. She started smoking more and only getting off the couch to smoke. My stepdad was gone most nights bowling and when he was home no one was ever in the same room. I was left to clean and cook. I was also left to raise and take care of my brother when I was only seven. I had to get up in the middle of the night to him crying. If he woke up either of my parents id get beat by my mom or grounded by my stepdad. This went on gradually getting worse. When I was in fifth grade my mom got even more physically abusive. And I was sick a lot. The stress was causing me to physically get sick. This is when I started cutting. That summer my stepdad started touching me. He told me not to tell because my mom wouldn’t believe me and would get extremely upset. He would constantly send me to my room when he was home. He didn’t want anything to do with me I thought. Six grade my grades got really bad and I had to go to summer school. Every day when I came home from school my stepdad would be waiting for me. I knew what he was doing was wrong but I was too afraid to tell anyone. When he would be done he told me how much he love me and that I better hurry up and get cleaning and cooking before my mom came home. So I did day after day. My only day off was Wednesday nights when I got to go to youth group. That was my escape. My brother was the only reason I didn’t end my life during those times. I had to take care of them. I had to protect him. Beginning of eighth grade year I was at my breaking point and people at school notice. My stepdad started abusing me even when my mom was home. It started to becoming a three times a day thing. I knew I had to tell someone at this point. I was hurting myself everyday and I know I had to make a change. My stepdad was arrested. I moved in with my grandparents. My mom and brother still lived at the house. I finally got the courage to speak up to my counselor. I thought things would get easier but I was so wrong. People at school bullied me even more. The guilt and shame was surreal. I was hospitalized due to being suicidal. I was raped while there by a fellow pier. It destroyed me even more. I wanted to die. 42 days later I finally was released. My stepdad was out on bail and I was terrified for my family safety. I barely saw my brother which killed me. Beginning of ninth-grade I overdosed and once again was placed inpatient. I saw no hope. The court process on top of everything else was by far the hardest thing I’ve had to go through. But May 2017 my voice was heard. My voice was listen to. I put my stepdad behind bars for 4-8 years. 10th grade I started at a different school. This school saved me and has made me open my eyes. I am or something. Life is worth living. I now realize God gave me this hand in life to help others. Speak up for those who haven’t spoken up. Towards the end of the year I cut to deep and ended up needing stitches. I’ve never wanted to live so much in my life. I haven’t cut since. I have so many supports from court, church, and school. I have rough days but I have a purpose. That my eyes were blind to before.