For a huge period of my life, I tied my self-worth with being a good house wife, my values as a woman consisted on learning how to cook and cleaning the house. Growing up I’ve heard things like “a woman will only be considered as such if she has a husband” “a woman that doesn’t have kids has a miserable life” “pregnancy is a very important aspect of a women’s life so every woman must go through it”
I used to believe that my sole purpose was to become somebody’s wife and have children no matter what I did, I had to achieve that in my life otherwise my life wouldn’t be complete. I actually grew up believing that if didn’t do choirs properly it meant that I didn’t have what it takes to be a “good wife”.
I grew up with a lot of low self-esteem I never thought I was good enough no matter what I did the bars where always too high and there were way too much high expectations on me, I’m sure a lot of you can relate. Anyway, I developed a lot of envy towards boys because we would have a lot of restrictions, they wouldn’t, they could stay all day in the house doing nothing when we couldn’t even take proper nap because it would be inacceptable for a woman to sleep in the middle of the day unless she was feeling under the weather or had cramps.
I developed this belief that marriage was nothing but a slavery. Marriage to me meant never prioritizing myself, taking care of everyone without receiving care in return, never speaking my mind, being obliged to stay home just for the sake of it while men gets to go out with the guys, not being allowed to have friends and last but not the least a woman is obliged to ALWAYS be in the mood for intercourse whenever her husband desires otherwise he might cheat as a matter of fact, a friend of mine about to get married, received advice to always sleep naked to be a “good wife”. Crazy right!
I had this distorted concept about marriage and relationships because I hadn’t seen any better. My parents weren’t actually role models, their relationship was toxic, my mom was always inhibited, she rarely had a say on things and my father ruled the house with fear and always made sure that he was the man of the house because he was the breadwinner of the family. I remember that he once said something like “if you put me in jail, what are you going to eat?”
Those experiences really shaped my personality and my perception of the world, fortunately I got through it and the more I grew up the more I realized that there are things we can’t control, a baby doesn’t choose its parents and although those were painful experiences, they don’t dictate the rest of my life. Some people say they wish they were children again and I get it. But if there is one thing I like about growing up, it’s actually the power of choice and the opportunity to transform ourselves no matter what we’ve been through. Living for yourself is a choice those experiences don’t define us they shape us so, my question is who do you choose to be?
Give yourself permission to leave behind what doesn’t serve you and be opened to the possibility of redefining yourself and living in accordance to what you believe it’s right for you. Happiness is our birth right and we shall not let anyone or anything take it away from us, we are all worthy of it no matter where we come from.
I was not raised to be the person that I am today and I’m ok with it.
