Eating disorders

Hi! I am a 17 year old girl. I struggle a lot in my life even though I’m always laughing and seem happy. Daily I deal with a lot of stress. I think, maybe I have depression… And also I suffer from an eating disorder which is my worst problem of all… It is actually difficult to say it. It hurts. I struggle with bulimia… For the last 3 years (and maybe more than that). I tried to talk to my mom a couple months ago. She didn’t understand. And how would she? We believe that bulimic are only the people who throw up after they eat. Well, I don’t have that type of bulimia. So, when a bulimic episode comes, I do other things instead, like starving myself or intense workouts. But, how can this happen? You wake up. You hope for a better day. You look in the mirror. Why am I like that?you think. Let’s weigh ourselves. No, I gained weight. Depression. But you have to go to school. I will not have a breakfast. It is better hungry than eating. Well, I so hungry. All of my have this amazing sandwiches.I am so jealous. I come back home I eat. And after I eat a bigger portion, these thoughts come back to my head like “you ruined your day” “you are fat” and a lot of other things. When I sad I eat. When my parents leave I grab everything I can even foods that I don’t really like. After the bulimics episodes I feel disgusted, disappointed if myself, unmotivated and very guilty like a lot. Unfortunately I can’t continue thank so much.