Trigger warning: Before reading this post, please be aware that it contains descriptions of childhood sexual assaults.
It all started when I was about 6. It was a family gathering or a party maybe, I’m not sure. I remember my cousins family coming to our house. Me, my brother and my cousin played as we usually would. But suddenly he and my brother got an idea, my cousin zipped his pants down and laid on the floor, next he asked me to come closer and put it in my mouth, so I did… as my brother watched, he grabbed my head and started moving it up and down. At that time he was 12 by the way. As I was just a child I didn’t quite know what I was doing. I remember him telling me to not bite it… so I tried not to. When he was done he told me to go brush my teeth. As I was done, I returned to the room, my brother was already gone(he went to the adults). My cousin then continued to touch me in various places and it ended there. We never spoke about it after that. But it wasn’t the end. then about 4 years past. we went on our first skiing trip abroad. We drove 2 days to Slovakia, because it was cheaper that way. On the second day of driving he touched me again…the scariest thing is that he did it in front of everyone, but still no one noticed. we drove in a van so there were 3 rows of seats, the kids sat in the third row. It was very uncomfortable to sleep so my cousin decided to lay sideways covering two seats, so automatically I had to lay with him sideways too. As I was trying to get some sleep I felt his hand go down against my stomach, the hand went down lower and lower until it ended up in my underwear. I was in shock and didn’t know what to do so I just laid there still until he stopped. It never happened after that and since then neither my brother who saw what happened nor my cousin said anything since. Now at all family gatherings and holidays we celebrate together – he looks at me like nothing ever happened….