Accepting yourself

When I was younger, I was the go getter. I was the one who had to stay strong because my older sister went through so much. As she went through terrible things, I watched and learned. Even though I was young I was afraid to make mistakes because I thought it wouldn’t just fall back on me but my whole family who was struggling. I never liked to show my emotions in front of people because made me feel weak and sometimes I couldnt even cry alone. I was really close with my grandma even though my mom was a good mom she still is but I can’t tell her anything because if I do something that seems like it’s not in my nature she’ll just say you wouldn’t do that or you never liked that. My grandma was understanding and nurturing. My grandma died last year and when she dieed my life got even worse. I had no one to talk to and sometimes I felt like she’s the only one who truly knew me. I had been depressed for a few years and wasn’t on medication because my mom didn’t think I needed it and I was to afraid to ask anyways because I thought I would be judged even though if my sister asked she would have been supported. I’ve learned a lot through this journey and am still learning but one thing that I will always come back to is at the end of the day you only have yourself everyone could leave you and you have to make the best of yourself. So I am on a journey to self love and acceptance. I’m not as numb as I was a few months ago and I can actually cry sometimes so I’m finally improving!