One day it all came crashing down. I was a shattered heart with a strong mind, gathering the remains and fixing things for myself and my mom. Coming from a broken home, it’s a totally different drill. You’re not getting the love from the right places, so you try to find it in everything; or you try not to find it in anything at all. You either trust too quick or take too long. You love too much, your insecurities are too deep & your instincts too far. You start forming strong opinions about love, trust & commitment.
Initially, I spent a lot of time & energy finding a logical answer to- Why did this happen to me and that was I not good enough even though I was always the ‘good girl’. I cried through the nights and showcased a brave face through the days. Struggling through this time, gulping down a hundred questions and weird gazes of the so called well wishers, I have known that people will judge anyhow, it’s me who can choose the things worth fighting for, it’s me who can bring peace to myself by wrapping my struggle in strength. You never actually recognize your strength unless you face something you haven’t imagined as your worst nightmare. I have grown as an individual, having my own standpoints. I have known that making mistakes is inevitable but taking the responsibility of those is what matters. I felt powerful when I stopped wearing a mask and answering the question ‘where is your dad’ with nothing but truth. A lie makes people dig further, but truth makes them feel uncomfortable. On the other hand, I have become more empathetic than ever. This phase hasn’t made me cynical- I still believe in fairytales and successful marriages. I have hopes, dreams and goals to accomplish. The vacuum will always exist but I have learnt to accept it as a challenge and give myself credit for what i have overcome. I will always miss the ‘Perfect picture’ but will always be proud to see my ‘Self accomplished picture’. So.. your world doesn’t stop when you feel it has. It’s just as a reminder you that you need to start over.