Wait for the guy who opens and closes the car doors for you. For the guy who offers you his jacket without hesitation even after you have declined the offer time and time again. Ironically you sleep in the jacket that night whilst hugging yourself. By morning his smell lingers on your body. And you find yourself unconsciously smiling.
He makes space for you. He sees your depths of being. Whose name is not lingering in the likes or comments of other females’ social media pages? A guy that welcomes every inch of your messiness and brokenness without ever trying to tidy you up or fix you. A guy, that at the end of it wants to sit on a river bench with you, gently intertwines his fingers with yours and patiently waits for you until you are ready to heal- a feeling of caring that remains and wants to do the hard work with you. The one who keeps his word. Keeps his promises. Keeps his heart open with love. Love will not save you. But it will hold your hand while you save yourself in a world that sometimes feels too heavy to bear. He will be by your side. He will ground you. He shares the parts of himself that he is not yet fully content with he sees it as “I can’t switch off” while you’re thinking is it possible to be infatuated by someone’s mind? And inspired by the way that they think? Motivated by aspirations and hardworking ethic. God, please save him for me.
Wait for the guy who hugs you for five minutes straight while you are trying to figure everything out and smells divine while doing it, while you whisper, “Lord have mercy this man is delicious”. You’ll find you are praying for him more than you pray for yourself.
Wait for the only guy who makes you welcome the future with open arms for the first time. The guy who makes you consider the possibility that life might turn out beautifully. You’re going to have a beautiful home that brings you peace, you are going to be a fantastic mother (even though you didn’t really have a good example while growing up), and you are going to have a dynamic career that gives you purpose. You will wake up next to the love of your life he will make your morning coffee, oops I mean tea. Coffee is not healthy! The kids will jump on the bed and spill sweet tea words on your bedding. He references the future consistently. From sleeping room arrangements, to how many kids. Gosh! I know I must be dreaming right? You’re still staring out on the river, and you realize you haven’t felt this safe and liberated in the longest of time.
Wait for him!
I know you are 20-something years old thinking you have so much to achieve and places to go to so much healing to do. I know there is a strangling necessity to push people, things, and ideas out, out, out because there is no room for them. I know you said you are healing. Not healed. Spoiler alert just because you’re still healing doesn’t mean you don’t deserve love.
When you do find him. You need to stay. And you need to stay loudly. Until then:
Wait for him!
Wait for him, I promise it will be worth it.
Photo credit: Photo provided by the storyteller.