to the one i loved most, but then lost.

He had really silky black hair, he was about 170 cm, one of the cutest kid in class. When I was in 6th grade(12), I didn’t take that much attention towards him since he was really quiet, doesn’t talk to a lot of people and hates to even make eye contact. He only had 2 friends, and they were also included as the quiet ones, the boys would try their best to involve them in activities, but they just don’t want to bother. I found him really strange at first, and sort of scary cause when he’s mad, he’s mad. He can play any sports, and he does martial arts, so no one really wants to get on his nerves cause he even won’t hesitate to yell at a girl when he feels annoyed or bothered by them. Of course, from this type of impression, people talk about how violent he was, I didn’t really think much about it,because I just don’t want to be involved in something that i’m not supposed to be involved in.

It was summer break, we were having our holidays, until I got a notification that someone got my LINE id. At first I was confused, cause I rarely use LINE anymore and i thought i added everyone in class, so i thought this person was a random dude who probably got the wrong ID. But when he started chatting, he mentioned about a classmate, he told me that his friend liked my friend and at first i thought it was pretty weird, but when he started talking his native language, I directly knew who he was. He was the guy in 6th grade, the quiet one. I was shook. I didn’t know why he added me, and why he even started a conversation with me. By surprise, we started to talk all summer break until our school started. We would joke around that we don’t want to be in the same classes and by chance, we made it in the same class. So when school started, we acted as if we never talked, it was like our own little secret. And of course, even when school started, we still talk to each other everyday, till it became a daily routine.

Until one day, I started to have feelings for him, I didn’t know how, but my feelings for him are slowly growing but I didn’t want our friendship to end. So, I decided to stay away from him and shut down my whole social media since I was too afraid to commit. He started to get anxious, but for some reason he never has the guts to talk to me at school. I didn’t like that, he’s acting as if i’m a stranger to him, I didn’t want to get hurt so I had to be less attached to him than I already was. I waited for a few weeks until I had the courage to open my social medias again. My line messages were filled with a lot of messages, including him getting worried. I started to open up and played it cool. I couldn’t avoid him anymore so I had no other choice.

The next few weeks, one day before my birthday, we were playing a simple game, it was about truth or truth. He made it up, so we actually had to say the truth. without a doubt I was nervous. At first, the questions were really simple, like “what’s your favourite colour” or “what is your full name” which of course we knew. However things started to escalate, he started to ask questions relating on who I find interesting, and I didn’t want to tell him directly, so i made him guess. He was very insecure, cause he thought that there’s someone else that I like since there was this one boy that was basically everyone’s crush in the class, but i lost interest since he played with my feelings too much. And so, i just blurted out his name and he went silent for a good 5 minutes. Until I had to break the silence, I cut to the point and asked “who do you like” and he said “you”

After that, we became a thing, we were happy and everything was going great. We kept it a secret, since people wouldn’t really believe me anyways that if i were with him. Most of the girls in my class likes him, so i was pretty glad he chose me. Our relationship wasn’t toxic, no one got in the way just yet and I kept thinking to myself how lucky I was to get him. But of course in the middle of every story, there would be a problem. Before I continue I don’t want you to get the wrong point of view of my friend here, I was completely okay with them being friends since he had every right to talk to anyone, who am i to stop him? So there’s this one girl, let’s just give her the name star, star was a new students in the class, she just moved and she was very out going, she had senior friends already and already made half of the class like her. Until she had one more goal, which one being friends with ‘him’. She told me about it, and said some things which I find really uncomfortable, she was talking about his part of bodies. I stayed silent since i didn’t want to make it obvious.

Each day, start progressively gets his trust and literally held hands in front of me, even I never did that or even talked to him. I was heart broken at that time but I never let anyone knew about it since they wouldn’t believe me. At lunch I would rarely cry in the bathroom and skip my lunch so I can loose weight and that I can maybe feel better of myself. It did, but the consequences were irreversible. All I could do was cry in the toilet because I kept it to myself. One time, I got so mad that i started to cry in class but I pretended i was yawning so it wouldn’t be obvious. I didn’t want him to think that I’m dramatic, because all i wanted is the same amount of energy he’s giving her to me at school. I eventually told him how I felt and he didn’t like it. He told me i’m being dramatic and told me that she’s just a friend. I was hurt, but i had to pretend. so i just said sorry and left.

On January 29 2018, we broke all contacts, i would message him daily, but all he did was just reading them, to the point i wanted to give up, but I can’t. So on a Friday, i gathered all my courage to ask if he lost feelings for me. Without hesitation he said “yes” inside i was broken, numb, betrayed, he made a promise to me that he won’t hurt me or that he won’t leave me. Pft how naive was I to believe what he said. He explained that there’s another girl that he has eyes for and wants to be with her, i accepted that decision, and just supported him. Until he started to talk bad about me and was so ashamed to be my ‘boyfriend’ he kept saying “oh those texts were fake, i used an app to write those to her” and so star made fun of me because she thought i was lying. She kept laughing about it, saying how pathetic I was.

Before we go up to 8th grade, he decided to move to another school. One of my friend’s brother is very close with him, and knows his secret. One time, he told my friend’s brother that she likes a girl in our class, and she was star. I wasn’t shocked, but i was just heartbroken and i feel betrayed. Since star liked him, and told me to help her get together with him. I did, i told him that she likes him and he just read, and so star lost feelings THAT EASILY. I was obviously pissed but it’s not my business. I just wanted him to be happy, and find someone better in his life, and I wish he just wasn’t that ashamed to be together with me. Thanks for being there with me M.

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i'm not a 15 year old girl, I love to write stories, since it helps me to relax and share my point of view, and hope to get feed back from people since my dream job is to be a novelist.