Dedication: J. D.
I am amazing because I finally was able to speak up and stand up against the man who has been abusing me my entire life. My entire life I’ve been abused my countless people but the one who left the biggest scar was my brother in law a man I’ve been around since I was five a man that I saw as a father a man that watched me grow up and a man who abused me ever since I meet him. I was in denial for so long I blocked out everything he did to me and I accepted the gifts, all the apologies, all the lies, all the manipulations , I accepted the rose and ignores the thrones all so I could ignore what was happening to me because who wants to face that this could actually happen to them. Our entire lives we hear all these stories about girls who’ve been abuse and we never think this could happen to us. Most of my life I was chose to be blind to what this man was doing because who taught me to love, convinced me to love him and I hated myself everyday for that, I was ashamed of myself, ashamed of the person I saw in the mirror but then I meet the person who saved my life and made realize how actually strong I am my best friend J. She was the only person who noticed the pain I was in, the mask I had on my entire life. She told me that it wasn’t my fault, that I had nothing to be guiltily of, that nothing I did or didn’t do caused this man to do what he did to me. She told me this every time I went down a spiral every time I felt guilt every time I let this control my life and then one day I finally believed her and I was able to leave him and to tell my family what I was happening to me. Every reaction was different not everyone accepted it. The first family member I told was my brother and it was the biggest hug I’ve ever gotten the tears we both cried changed everything for me made all my fears go away. The one I knew who wasn’t gonna take it well was my sister and I accepted this to be honest. But honestly a part of my hoped she came around but after i went to the cops and he got arrested she blocked me on everything even after knowing I wasn’t the only one he’s done this too even after knowing he could do this to her kids but I can’t control what she does and I accepted that I don’t need her in my life. Best part is I’m still in contact with her oldest daughter and it’s the best thing I could hope for. I’ve done some pretty bad thing to cope from drugs to meaningless sex but I find a way to finally realize that the best way for me to heal is to focus on my self to tell my story and one day I’ll be able to wake up and not think about this and I’ll know I’ll genuinely be happy because every day it gets easier and easier and become the better version of my self. Everyone probably says this but it does get better and one day you will be able to take your voice back. My name is A.O.and I’m not ashamed of my story anymore.