i was very in love with my ex. But we had a nasty breakup, involving police and so forth. i felt terrible for what I did, so I paid for his attorneys, continued to pay rent, and take care of the bills…
We still saw each other every now and again, almost every weekend. I suppose one night we were intimate and I got pregnant. I didn’t want a child, and neither did he. So I made the decision to get an abortion.
He wasn’t the most supportive during the process… I spent all of my time alone.. in pain… with no one comforting me. It was recent, so I still have a lingering feeling of guilt and hatred for myself.
I often wonder if I’ll ever love myself again… to make matters worse, we saw a movie together, it was such a beautiful movie. Highlighting all the beautiful parts of normal lives… but he didn’t see any light in it, claimed he didn’t understand.
It made me realize… his life will always be so unfulfilled, he will always be searching for something better because he can’t see the life that’s right in front of him. And he’s always taken this ideology, sort of ego, out on me.
So not only am I alone during this process of abortion, I’m also being gaslit to feel like I’m the problem…
If anyone has ever felt the way I feel… I’m so sorry. I hope you find something better, I hope you let go of that past, just as I couldn’t.
I too one day hope to be strong enough to let him go… maybe one day…