My whole life I have been struggling with self love

My whole life I have been struggling with self love. I have felt lost like I don’t belong anywhere, I have been trying to look for validation from everywhere else and have felt completely lost in this world. I am 31 years old and just starting to learn to accept myself now.

It all fell apart when I broke up in a country which is on the other side of the world. I lost everything. I flew back to Europe and found myself alone and in a deep dark place. Break up broke me down but cracked me open on the same time. The pain was something I couldn’t take anymore. Somehow I got through it and felt strong. Every morning I would wake up and count people and things I was grateful for in this life. I knew that break up had to happen in order to heal the deep wounds. It was the beginning of healing and self discovery journey. Yes I was alone but maybe it was time for me to see that I can manage alone and I did.

First time in my life I was renting apartment alone and I spent most of the time alone. First time in my life I had to face myself, my broken parts and I couldn’t run anymore. Now I don’t care so much about things as such but I value more the memories, moments we share and the people around me. I took curtain things for granted . Now I just want simple things and live minimalistically.

I decided to choose myself for first time in my life. Let me tell you it was scary but so worth it. I decided to get help from a life coach and learned new tools and was working on my beliefs. I realised that it is so important to believe in myself because no one is coming to do it for me. So I started to work on myself, push myself, tell positive affirmations every morning. Giving myself the love I needed, being there for myself. It is the best thing we can do for ourselves.

I have been people pleaser for the most of my life and finally I started to focus on me, not worrying what others are thinking or what they expect of me because in the end of the day I have to do what is right for me. Listen to my intuition and follow my heart because life is too short.

In this case I picked up my broken pieces and put myself back together but I left behind everything what doesn’t serve me anymore. And now I am asking myself “Who am i?” and so its the journey of discovering and rediscovering. I know something great is waiting for me and everything happens for a reason. Once reaching the deepest and darkest places it can’t get worse the that and I just wanna say that the light is out there. I keep hurting and healing and growing but it is worth it.

It is not easy to open my heart and let the walls down but I know there is so many people out there who are hurting and I know Im not perfect. I just wanna say to those whose hearts are broken that it will be ok. It takes time, work, actions and also lots of tears and pain but it all will be good. Sending lots of love out there.