Respect and trust is earned, not givin’

Trigger warning: Before reading this post, please be aware that it contains references to rape and sexual assault.

TW: mentions rape and sexual assault, well at first me and this guy were just friends and he wanted to know if we could hangout at a fair, I said maybe but there was no definite answer and it was a romantic hangout at all, but then he sent me an unwanted pic asking me if I wanted to have sex, I said no many times and made it very clear I wasn’t interested, then he said he was gonna just come over, but I wasn’t comfortable with that so I said no again, but he came over anyway. I asked him many times to leave, but he refused and said he was going to do it and didn’t care that I didn’t want to. After asking him many times, he finally left after about 30 minutes. I felt so sick and disgusting in my skin, he made me feel used and broken. For the rest of the week I was mentally drained but pretended I was perfectly fine because I didn’t want to worry anyone or bother them. But in the up coming weeks I could be around any of my guy friends or even my boyfriend, I threw up the first time a guy touched me after that, even though it was consensual and I told him I wanted it. I got very nauseous the next time I was around guys who weren’t family. I had a guy over recently who I trusted and knew wouldn’t do that and he knew what happened to me, when he pulled in the drive way I threw up, and when he sat down next to me I threw up again. It felt like he had ruined my life because he couldn’t understand what no meant. Ever since he did this, I have made every guy in my life prove he deserved my trust and respect, and if he broke my trust I made sure it was very clear that it was wrong of him and that I am not a girl that can be used like that ever again. Any guy that even shows interest now knows that I know my worth and I know I am should not be used ever. And one day I hope the guy who hurt me realizes that he messed. And one day he’ll get what he deserves and feel somewhat as bad as he made me feel. And until I have that satisfaction, I will know my worth and make people earn there trust and respect from me, cause I am worth it.
Photo credit: Image provided by the storyteller.