I am 23 years old this year. Things had really been hard past few months. Family issues, Relationship, financial and also mental health issues.
It all begins in polytechnic, I been an independent child because i was born in a lower income family, I been spending most of my time working part-time job for basic daily expenses to school fees. Things are tough till I met this girl call Sandy. She is the kindest and nicest person I ever met in my life. We started dating and became official in a quick time.
Both of us are from 2 different family, Sandy have born from a decent income family where they stayed in condo, however on the other hand I live in housing development board (HDB). Since young she have everything she wanted but on the other hand I work for things I want. I been trying hard to prove to myself and of cause her and her family that I am capable and hardworking. With the difference in our background I already felt inferior at the point of time. Even with her reassurance that it doesn’t matter and will not affect our relationship but to me I feel that it do matter.
Therefore, when I been independent ever since I was 16, I tend to handle everything by myself and refuse to let anyone enter to my life, I hide all my problems and issues from her or even my close ones. Which makes things starts to go downhill. I didn’t expect what is going to come to my life.
First of all, I notice my parents had issues, they aren’t communicating the way that how couples should speak to one another. But of course, we children tend not to interfere with the problems thinking they will solve it themselves. Things escalated throughout the years, accusation of cheating, family violence and constant fighting/quarrelling has cause me to live in fear for the past 3years. Just imagine when you were sleeping peacefully at around 3-4am you had your dad slamming of doors and punching of walls/tables just because he saw my mum texting someone assuming that she was cheating and it happens like 5-6 times. he might be hallucinating or my mum is lying till today I still do not know. My dad make the issue so big where my relatives/neighbours friends know it as well. And he wants to file for divorce. My mum of course denied the accusation of my dad.
Secondly, In this year sandy left me as well, as she feel that she don’t see a future in me anymore, as I tend to keep things to myself I didn’t told her anything that had happened to me. Its not that I didn’t want to tell her, I don’t want her to see that I have a broken family and also have to worry about me. I feel that in the relationship no matter what I do I can’t catch up to her status. Even I finally decide to tell her everything but its too late. She left forever.
Thirdly, since I am always working in F&B industry for 7 years, but things isn’t going well , where i realized actually I hate the industry. But I have to pursue a degree for a career change and I am having struggles to come out with a financial planning or what I really want to study in life.
I been wanting to open up to others about my problems, its hard I can’t understand myself at time. Deep inside I feel so empty and pain, I feel so tired problems after problems piling up day by day.
How much longer will I be able to handle this? I feel so tired. When can I have a day that I don’t have to worry about anything and live happily? It’s been maybe months since I really feel the feeling of happiness. Day by day trying to be strong but mentally and physically are really suffering. Will I still be able to walk down this path…?
Family issues… Relationship… Work… Friends… will I be able to handle this? Or will I continue to live sadly and feel miserable. Will I be able to be myself again? Or I had already lost myself at this point?
Uprising problems that I might have to faced
• Parent divorcing
• Work stress
• Health issues
I am really struggling; I am crying for help… who can help me? Or will I just have to face it myself again? Really hope that I can be strong enough to handle this. Sometimes I wonder why life is so unfair people always get things they want. I work hard for myself; mistakes were made along the way. When I feel like I hit the bottom part of my life apparently it isn’t, it just goes down further till I feel that I can’t breathe and so suffocated by everything.
Always trying to help others whenever I can, but when will god send someone here to help me out? Am I being forgotten? Or I still have to continue to face all the challenges alone? I asked myself just today have I given up on myself. I really don’t know anymore… Did I? Am I really that weak? There is a mountain to climb.. will I be able to do it? I have lost all my confidence in myself to get myself out of this situation… Will time heal the wounds?