I was a victim. Now I am a survivor.
I lived in a situation where I experienced emotional and verbal abuse from my father. My mom moved us into a different house during my freshman year of high school. We kept in contact with my dad for a few years and things seemed to be getting better. A stage I now recognize as part of the cycle of abuse. Eventually we had a blowup over college. I stopped answering his calls and texts. I accepted for the first time that I was being abused. I hated myself. I lived in absolute fear of him.
He won’t accept my decision to not communicate with him. But it’s for me. I’ve been called a terrible daughter by others. I’ve had my experiences invalidated. But I’m finally doing something about it for myself. No child should hear their father call them names. No child should be afraid to have friends over. I still can’t hear him mentioned without shaking. I’m still healing from my emotional bruises but I hope my experience can help someone else. Since I’ve stopped talking to him, everything about my life has improved. I earned my first ever “A” in math. A subject he always told me I was terrible at. I’m more confident and I have higher self-esteem. I have more friends. Best of all, I don’t live in fear.
I wrote my father a letter I would like to share a few portions. I encourage anyone who has been in a similar situation to write a letter. Even if you never send it. This letter was my turning point. I followed the lyrics of a song.
“And say… it’s too late to apologize. It’s too late”
I’m done. Emotional and Verbal abuse are domestic abuse. My bruises don’t show but they are there. And now, it’s too late for you to apologize. I don’t want to hear from you or see you. I don’t need to. I am done being a victim. I am a survivor. My success will be in spite of you… not because of you.
No longer yours,