Dedication: to my younger self
Trigger warning: Before reading this post, please be aware that it contains descriptions of childhood sexual assault and rape.
i am done, i am done letting people make me feel like it isn’t a big deal bec IT IS. it is my story, the story that has been pushed aside and ignored by family, friends EVERYONE. not any more today i tell my story in my words no one can make it up or say no that’s wrong. this is my story in my own words the way i wanna tell it. i am 15 years old and this story is from when i was 11, it has been nearly 4 years and it still haunts me to this day. no matter how much you trust someone or how close you are with them doesn’t change the fact that they can do the same thing they did to me ,to you one day!
i was so excited to spend new years with one of my closest friends that i have known since we were 5, but once we got up there little did i know i was going to get traumatized. me and the guy arrived at the holiday house and the sun was just starting to set so no one would be out swimming so we went to the rock pools by ourselves at first it was fine but he started to get a bit touchy keep in mind i was 11 and had no idea what was happening. he gripped onto my waist and pulled me onto him, he started pulling down my swimmer bottoms and i jumped and started swimming away saying i was cold and wanted to go home. i didn’t think anything bad at first since he stopped when i jumped off him, but little did i know it was going to get a lot worse. later on that night the adults decided to go to the pub to watch the count down for new years. they left me and the guy home alone to look after the little kids sleeping. my mum called me outside and asked me if I’m comfortable to be left her alone. the answer i gave her was yes and that was the biggest regret i have had. the parents started walking to the pub so i went back inside, as i walked in the guy was closing the blinds. he turned around and grabbed my waist and forced my hips tp join with his, that’s when i started getting uncomfortable. i could feel him through his pants, i pulled his hands off to go sit on the couch but he grabbed my hips again making me sit on his lap, i sat there frozen not knowing what to do. he started putting his hands up my shirt grabbing my boobs, than he started grabbing thighs and getting closer to my vagina, i was frozen i could not move. it was getting closer to new years and he started going on about a new years kiss i said nothing i couldn’t speak couldn’t move i just sat there. the clock hit 12;00 it was new years he grabbed my face to look at him and went to kiss me but i moved my face and he missed my lips by that time i would have thought he had got the vibe and would stop but he didn’t it got worse her started putting hands down my pants, i sat up and went up to the bathroom and bailed my eyes out i didn’t know what to do and the parents had only just left. i went and laid in my little brothers room praying he wouldn’t come up. when i grew the confidence i went back in my room and laid in the dark listening to every sound that was made in the house making sure he doesn’t walk up the stair. later on around 2 my parents and his family came home and all went to sleep but when they were awake i could hear his voice so i knew he wasn’t asleep, i stayed awake balling my eyes out hoping he doesn’t sneak into my room while everyone is sleeping. in the morning we had breakfast and left i didn’t say one word to him i didn’t even make eye contact before i left. i haven’t talked to him since. he knows what he did but he will never own up to it.
i wanted to share this story bec my family knows but choses to ignore it, it needed to be herd and i needed the closure, i have never written anything like this, the traumatized, scared little girl came out and we got the closure we needed.