Hi… i’ll just give you my fake name… My name is Yin and umm… when i was 12 to 13-ish. I was depressed… like literally.. my mom and dad got a divorce. I didn’t really know it when the next day, my dad woke me and my sister… I have four more siblings and only one of us is a boy (Sorry for my grammar) So my dad woke me up and my sister and said that we are going to a laundry shop cause we have many clothes to wash. I just nodded and changed my clothes then minutes later… i was confused because this is literally where the laundry shop is and this is too far from the house i called ‘home’. We stayed at my Dad’s Mother.. i don’t want her to call grandmother. We stayed there until the school year came then we enrolled to the nearest school there, that means i’m a transferee. So thing really didn’t… went well as my grandmother start to saying hurtful things to us… and continued and her husband too saying bad words to us and it went on and on. Then a few months later… she needed to go to US (I lived in the philippines) Then she went her and her husband and stayed day for months until it was Christmas. I spend my Christmas and New Year at my mother’s side family. I was so happy being there not until.. i have to go back to my Father’s mother… they came when it was Christmas with her husband then she said hurtful thing like “You B**** you can’t even clean you F***** room!” And bla bla bla… i was hurt at what she was saying until i can’t really.. you know… can’t take it anymore. I talked to my father but he was just like.. “Understand you grandmother… she was just lecturing you..” the word lecturing cam on my mind and understand it… then few days later my grandmother always have a fight with my father so my father left me in ‘that’ house… i was crying every night and just can’t stop myself and until it goes on and on again. But after a few weeks without the man i loved and trust, She didn’t stop at just saying bad things to me.. she starts by waking me up at 3:00 Am in the morning and don’t want me to eat breakfast, lunch and even dinner. I chatted my dad on facebook but he was just… saying “bare it…” i was… hurt, i was crying and stuff… until i have suicide thoughts… i started by cutting my arm, and write suicide letters and even planing my own death. I have many friends at school.. they see me as a Crazy, Hyper and always smiling. yeah i know that, i always wore a smile so when i know i’m hurt they can’t see me suffering ’cause i hate it when people pity me or feel sad about me so i wore it but, when i go home… i cry and cry and cry… and cutting my arm again… then… i want someone to just say, at least once that ‘i know you are smiling but i can clearly see in your eyes that you are hurting’ but don’t you know.. that 17 words… means a lot to me… i know i’m being emotional but this is just what i am being thru right now… yes i am still 13 years old. It’s January still having suicide thought and until march… i slept under my bed… i don’t want to sleep above it at all. They were just saying “where is you granddaughter?” “i don’t know… i don’t care…” i know you can feel me… a lot of us have depressions… i give someone who is sad a advise… but can’t still get it what i advise to them… i don’t know how… i just want to help other not wanting them to suffer like me. I was ready… i’m ready to die that time… i prepared my rope and prepare my letter.. i was planning on after the school is out.. i’m gonna do it. My letter to my really bestfriend, we call each other detectives because we love solving crimes and riddles. so for my suicide letter to her.. i wrote it in a black paper and wrote my own puzzle to her to solve and know my message to her.. i was gonna give it to her at the afternoon after the school was out but in the recess time.. she manage to find it. she was crying and i don’t know why. she was just crying the whole time and i asked her why but she just said “I just remembered my grandmother that passed away..’ buy i knew she was lying… my other friend said that she was not crying from her grandmother… she was crying for me begging me to not do it.. but i didn’t hear her… then after that… i just placed my letter in my bed and stand in the chair when i was ready… my dad barged in to my room and saw me struggling to breath. he hugged me and shouted at me that why did i do it… i remained silent and just stared into space… my tears were rolling in my cheeks but.. i don’t care anymore… I heard my dad just fighting with his mom and i was just crying there… i don’t even know why i’m alive… i know i don’t deserve this life… i’m useless, i’m a Loser… I can still hear my dad shouting “why is she so pale and thin?! Din’t i gave you money to make her eat alright and be healthy?! i don’t even know why you hate my children so much! I hate you! Why do you even turned out to be my mother when you are just a B**** That wants to make my child suffer and starve hem to death! Your a S***! Breaking up with my real dad to be with just a American?! For Money?! at that night.. when they all though i was sleeping… i prepared my bags and waited until midnight. hours later… i was bringing my clothes and called a taxi to take me to my mother’s Mom… i was only 13 years old but i know i’m responsible… i went to my grandma and cried in her arms… My mom? she was in another country.. we call it here OFW… it means Overseas Filipino Worker… I was crying and crying there and told them my suffers and i didn’t even know that i was suffering here… I regret to even why i am here… i regret being alive but i know the same as i was suffering there… but i told myself that.. live until the one’s you really love die so after they die… no one will cry for you now. i was just waiting my mom to just come home and hug her everyday… until she get’s old