Trigger warning: Before reading this post, please be aware that it includes a description of rape.
My friends and I always go to the same café every saturday and we know everyone there. The bar tenders and the owner.
Since corona the café needs to close at 00.00….
I moved last year and live close to the café, my friends on the other hand need to ride back for 25 minutes.
When the café needed to close I had to go to the bathroom real quick and I told my friends that
It was okay for them to already leave. I felt safe there, I have been coming there since I was allowed to go out.
When I was on the toilet, I heard a knock on my door…
I flushed the toiled and opened the door.
The owner walked into my toilet and started kissing me and touching me down there. I struggled at the beginning but soon noticed that me fighting had no use. He was so much taller then me and stronger.
After a minute or so he left. He said that otherwise the stuff would notice. After he walked out…I took a deep breath, fixed my clothes and walked out of there…as fast as I could.
I was walking on my way home, when I turned around to see that he had followed me.
I asked him ‘What are you doing?!’ He didn’t answer…he just looked at me like I was a nice meal.. he grabbed me. One arm around my neck (and he held my neck down)
One arm pushed around my waist.
He took me to a sketchy garage that he owned. On the way there we saw 1 person. I tried to say ‘help’ with my mouth…but the person didnt see.
He pushed me into the garage, and then pushed me up against the wall. I was wearing a skirt (he didnt remove it) but he removed the rest of my clothing.
He was very hard handed and slapped me, and pushed my head against the wall.
He also entered my ‘backway’ if you get what i mean…and I had never in my life done that before. He finsihed after maybe 20/25 minutes. After that he let me go.
I coudnt walk straight. So when i was at a safe distance J sat down to a wall. And I just started crying.
Not knowing what to do, I called my best friend. We spoke on the phone untill I was home. Then she came to pick me up.
I put my clothes in a bag. His ‘swimmers’ were in my underwear and I thought that it could be evidence.
I didnt went to the police yet.
I found out that he married a week later and that his now wife is far along in their pregnancy.
Now I know that if I go to the police its gonna be his word against mine. And I am applying to the police force next year, and a case like this is a reason not to hire me.
So thats holding me back.
But i want revenge. I want him to hurt, the way that i hurt. My friend told me that this is also something i can use against him. Blackmail.
Now i dont want to be that person. But I also don’t want him to het away with it.
Its important to know, that even tough I was a victim.
I don’t feel like one now. I’m slowly turning into a really strong woman and im not afraid to speak my mind.
But somehow I still want revenge.