Burning Heart

Dedication: By best friend, wish we could be more than that

Its the temple that I see every day
Its the temple that society tells me I need to weigh
My body is not clay
It’s not perfect and that’s okay
Because its mine
And I love it anyway
You are the soul that
Holds this body in its clutch
Its the temple that has frizzy hair
Its the temple that has freckles
Its the temple that holds my heart- my brain
It’s the temple that everyone says I need to hate
Yet I love it anyway

I’m comfortable
But I’m not
I want to look like the girls on my fyp
Why can’t I look like them
They’re beautiful
With their button up shirts
Short hair
Short temper
Passion like volcanos exploding inside of me
Hot lava everywhere
Burning my heart because I can’t be with them because no body knows how much I’m burning inside to burst out the seems pop the buttons of the shirt which holds the heart, I wish to capture in my own
And keep it forever
For those of you who have read or watched Harry Potter
You know living in a closet ain’t nice
With clothes that I don’t want to wear because they make me look like a 180 degree line
With those hangars that make you remember that people like me get hurt so much they feel like they are just an object that needs to be hanged up so they hang them selves
With those shoes that people desire to step on you like a rug and make you feel so terrible
So terrible they set you on fire
Like your being slammed and squished like a soda can ready to be throughout into the trash
The trash where things you don’t want or need anymore go
Where you through out your fruit, which hold the seeds like hearts that love a little differently- a little fruity
You could take that seed put it in a pot so it can grow and become beautiful but only to be looked at uglily and picked off the stem and smelled
Examined see if it’s worth bringing home, n’a let it go
It don’t need to grow
Let it die
Let it die and stay where the magots live
All other 72 countries let it die
I don’t like history
What history has done to people like me
Why evertime I see the welcome mat at the front door I jump over it so it can’t roll my beating heart and set it on fire
well to late

My heart is always on fire because nobody know about the ash filled vains which my rainbow blood seeps out only to be able to love who I love without the bold colors fading and converting to dust and brushed away never to be seen again

My heart is always on fire because history as always just classified them as “friends” “collègues” “ acquaintances” never lovers

My heart is always on fire because she doesn’t know that whenever I see her smile, her skin, her hair, her eyes, her touch, her love, my heart is already exploding out the seems of the button up shirt, wanting her heart to do the same

My heart is always on fire because I grew up in a household where love is love, and it’s not a choice. But where is it, because all I ever saw was, girls and boys, woman and men, and girls and boys, and woman and men, all made my heart mis interpret that feeling for non other then friendship, “wow she’s pretty” I must want to be her or her friend, nothing more. That story I wrote in 4th grade or was it 5th, I don’t remember, all I remember is that story had a little boy, not girl, boy, he not she, he he never liked what other little girls liked, his parents wanted him to say he was a girl and always called him “faith” not “forest” the name he wants,needs, hid his “boy” toys and “boy” clothes, what for, for your child to be something their not, his parents called therapists, asking “what is wrong with my child” but one day, something changed, they gave in and accepted him for who he was a boy, a transgender boy. I was young, did I know deep down

Now I can’t relate to the boy in the story, but i can relate to so many others
Trapped in this closet
Suffocating from the truth, which makes me breath tears of joy.

My heart is always burning in this temple hoping one day I will be able to step out of the dark hidden closet into a world of rainbows, that take the rain if pain and the sunshine of warmth to make a home for me and my ever so burning heart that longs for a home of love

One day I will take that step and walk out with pride. 🌈