Trigger warning: Before reading this post, please be aware that it includes a description of rape.
I have written this letter to just talk about how I am feeling. You don’t know me, but I have been struggling very hard. In 2019 I was raped by a man who I thought was my best friend. The morning after my ex fiance and I broke up, My friend came over to see if i was okay. We talked for a few seconds before he started to kiss me. I stopped him and told him no. Then he continued pushing me onto the bed. I told him to stop and that I didn’t wanna do it. He said I wont do anything okay just kiss. Then after a few minutes he tried taking my shirt off and I stopped him, he said okay then moved to the pants. I stopped him again. He pushed my hands up and took my pants off. I told him no and tried to stop him. He didn’t listen, he just kissed me. Then as he kept kissing me he took his pants off and pushed my legs up. I froze. He was about to stick it in when I told him no stop. He said “It will only hurt for a minute.” Then he stuck it in. I layed there frozen as he went for it. I couldn’t move. A few days later I told my mom, she told me I needed to report it. I didn’t want to deal with it and I wanted to leave it alone. Then after I thought about it for a while I decided to report it. When I Reported it The police told me I was lying and that I needed to tell the truth. They continued through an hour long interview asking me again and again what happened and why I waited to report it. Then they continued to say that they thought I was lying and that I need to come clean or I will be going to jail. This stressed me out and caused me to start crying. It got to the point that i wanted to say i was so that they would leave me alone. After I left I drove home crying because I just kept thinking that no one believed me. The man that did it was a very manipulative guy who got mad if he didn’t get what he wanted. He was a very scary man who could hurt someone if they didnt do what he wanted. I was scared to death of him because I have seen and heard about his past experiences. He was arrested with an assault charge years before and his ex had told me about their relationship and how he is controlling and manipulative. After the police heard my side and his side, they continued to not believe me. The case was closed and he was left deemed as not guilty. I tried for months to see a counselor and soon got over it the best I could. I have struggled with depression and anxiety my whole life and that just added onto it.
This relationship was toxic and I’m glad he isnt in my life anymore but the backlash of the situations I was in have hurt me and I am not able to talk about it. So here I am writing you this letter to tell you my story. I want it to be shared. I need it to be shared.