I try to look all put together, but I’m as conflicted as any other – trying to make sense of life.
I had been told from an early age that life is unfair and it’s best not to keep expectations. But don’t you think that it’s a very sad way to look at life.
Everyone goes through a phase in life where they feel stuck. I’m going through that now. Early adulthood is a scary space to be in any way but now it’s become more complicated with the lockdowns and with half of the world dying situation. I want to share my story, my inner turmoil, and my confusion with the world as I feel it is important for others to know that feeling this way is – NORMAL.
I fell sick one day in 2019 with a stomach bug. I was already battling depression at the time and the bug wasn’t going away. I felt miserable all the time and people, even family repeatedly told me to stop whining and continue. It took a lot of courage on my part to, first admit to myself that I was depressed and sad but more to confess to another person, who told me ‘go to google and type impoverished children in Africa, look at their faces and your issues will seem small’. It didn’t make my problems fade, just made me feel very invalidated. Why am I feeling miserable when I have a whole lot better life and facilities than most of the world?. Am I fundamentally flawed? The person who said it might have forgotten about this conversation, but it stuck with me. Haunting me. Consuming me.
I was diagnosed with Hashimotos Thyroiditis in late 2019. Another chronic, invisible illness. Another struggle with self. I have discovered in the last few years that people rarely care. It was a horrible find but then I also found out that some do care and the trick is to block out the toxic ones.
This all may seem cliche and repetitive but it needs to be read again, seen again, and talked about again until one day talking about mental health is normal.
You never know what is happening in someone’s life. Never judge or ridicule them. Be empathetic, because it is those seemingly small things that matter and continue telling your stories as ‘stories are life, life is stories’.
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Photo credit: Image courtesy of the storyteller.
