Dedication: I would like to dedicate this story to the girl I fell in love with.
Hi. I am a 14 year old girl in her freshmen year in high school. Through the past few years I questioned my sexuality because I fell head over heels for my best friend who is a girl. I never told her my feelings and never came out. I don’t want to regret something that’s not real. I feel like I’m not gay and this is just an early phase to my adulthood. So to organize my feelings for her I wrote a letter to her. And since I will never give this letter to her I decided to share it with the world. I hope you like it and by the way I changed the names, for some privacy with me and my crush. I also shortened the letter a bit because it was kinda personal and hella long. Hope you like and it and enjoy.
A Letter to Her
July 17 2018
(edited on August 5 2018)
(edited on August 14 2018)
Hello. That’s a good starting, right? Anyway, I’ve been inspired to finally write a letter to you. If you were wondering, I was inspired from a Sope fanfiction, Soap on wattpad. This is a 1,215 word letter about the past three years we had together in middle school. I’m writing this letter to you, only you. I don’t know if I will ever have the courage to give this letter to you, but if I do I hope you accept this. And for in advance I’m sorry for my poor lack of English.
Do you remember when and how we met? We met in 6th grade. I remember. We had three classes together, Math, Gym, and Band. Math; we always worked together and compared our test scores. It was fun watching your face when I would always get the higher test grade. Gym; if we had someone to choose for a teammate, we always chose eachother. Every single day before class started we sat up on the stage together and chat about almost anything. Band; I sat first chair for once. All I can remember is you raising your hand for every question, saying I can do that, play this scale, play this piece, do anything because you were that amazing. I knew I wanted you to become my friend. No, I knew we were going to be friends, best friends. It was in gym class when we were wrestling and you were making your funny low pitched sounds.
I had a lot of fun with you in the past three years. From school to orchestra to solo and ensemble festival. When I received my result in the beginning of the year saying I was not qualified for concert band, I was devastated (meaning I cried off like two pounds). But not as devastated when I found out you were accepted into concert band, meaning we would be separated, meaning that I would not have a reason to see you outside of school. One reason I didn’t join flute choir was because I knew you weren’t going to be there. The good news is I was on the waiting list for concert band and we were together after all.
Let’s jump to ensemble festival. Prepping for festival was a lot of fun. I would get so excited to come over to your house and see you. To be honest it was fun practicing together and going to you private lessons mostly because you were beside me. My favorite memories are playing osu, petting your cat,and watching kpop videos with you.
To be completely honest right now, I got into kpop exactly when you did. After you posted Happy Birthday Taetae. Right when I first saw it, I searched up who Taetae was and found out he was a member of a kpop group named BTS with his stage name V. That very day I started forcing myself to know everything about BTS. I didn’t want you to figure out you were the reason I got into kpop so I never exactly told you. But as the year went by I started to give out clues and hints. And thank you so much showing me kpop because to be honest kpop is now my life.
You’re probably wondering why I remember all of this. I remember all of this because that’s how much you impacted my life. You were different from my other friends, Y. You gave me excitement and passion. But on the other hand you gave me sadness and fear. I try my best to be calm and chill. But whenever I talk to you, see you, or read your texts I get a butt load of butterflies because I’m always so scared of how you see me, as a friend or more. I’ve been so confused on what all these complicated feelings secretly mean. So I’ve been holding in these feelings because I’m not sure how people would react and most importantly how you would react. But it has come the time where I’m tired of holding in these feelings for you. I’m tired of these feelings getting in the way of our friendship. I’m tired of these feelings stressing me out. So let me confess my feelings to you by writing it out. Here I go.
Y, you mean so much to me. You inspire me. I love your laugh, your smile, your long, thick, black, hair. I love you braveness of how you never get sad or mad; and when you do, you take revenge like the badass you are. You might be fearless, but you still have your cute soft side. When you make ur kawaii faces and sounds or draw your anime. I love when you make your diy crafts and watching you pet rosy.
When did I get all these feelings? 7th grade, after the concert. After you rested your head on my shoulder and fell asleep. I always thought as myself as striaght, marrying a man and having kids. But as time went on I realized you were different, no, I was different. Every single day I have wanted to hug you close to where we share our body heat.
I love when you would randomly hug me from behind. I love when you would grab my hand for my warmess. I love how you would stare at me with you beautiful eyes. I love when you rest your head on my shoulder. I love when we switch flutes. And I also love when we switch glasses. I love that the first text you always send me is B. I love when you would play with my hair. Why you never knew this before? Because I’ve been holding it in for the past years. I’ve been so scared to let out my feelings for you. I never knew how you would react. Weather you would get mad, sad, confused, or happy. Anyway, I would hate myself for either letting out my feelings or for holding them in for so long.
You make the world disappear where I only see you, only you. Everyday, every second I think about you. I wanted you and me to become closer. So yes, you got me into web comics. Yes, you got me into drawing chibi. Yes you got me into fanfiction. Yes you got me into k-pop. Yes you made me work hard on improving my tone. And yes you changed me.
You, Y changed my life. Moving on, you, Y changed my sexiulality. Sometimes I love you, so much. I’m sorry for my feelings for coming in the way of our friendship. I mainly wrote this letter not only to spill my feelings for you but to give you a valid reason why I’ve been acting the way I have been. I understand if you don’t accept me or ignore me or hate me. But I hope we can be Sope or maybe even the Sope in the fanfiction. In other words, I hope we can still be friends.