Dedication: To all the woman who are trying to live their life on their own terms. It is not an easy choice, requires a lot of courage and I am proud of you having the courage to do it.
Fear, a hollow feeling that swallows you from within, there are so many forms of it – Fear of being seen, fear of being unseen, fear of being at the top, fear of being left behind, fear of showing too much, fear of not showing and burning from within. We grow up with so many different kinds of fear in just one day, that 24hrs only where we are heavily burdened with this one feeling – FEAR. It comes with its own set of cousins like anxiousness, overthinking, sadness, but the feeling of Fear is the strongest when we are afraid to accept the FEAR itself. All women in their lives struggle day in and out trying to prove themselves and make a space in this horrendous world where they can rise, where they can feel safe, where they aren’t judged or hated over, where they are accepted. Oh the feeling of acceptance is fantasised more than any orgasm trust me. I am an afraid woman in my 20s about her job safety in the film industry, about her personal safety during late travels in shoot, about her financial safety for making her mother proud and giving her a life she used to live before my father went upstairs, about finally being a strong pillar for her elder sister who has done so much for her till now. I am afraid of being alone with myself, with my thoughts, with my memories and nightmares. I’m afraid of losing more than what has already been lost. I’m afraid of losing the illusion of control I had created when I had clarity of a job. I wonder how many people are afraid of these things and what on earth do they do to deal with them, one by one, how to become a fearless woman in this world, is it even possible? One of the Marvel superheroes should be a fearless woman, she will be so badass and such an inspiration atlas we will know what she looks like to be like her. But even so if we go to see, we have witnessed fearless woman all our lives too not maybe in the big moments but in multiple small times – When a woman stands up for another during sexual harassment in an office, When a woman protects another during a travel at night, when a woman speaks her mind in the meetings, when a woman stands up for her dreams even if it is against her own family, when a mother fights for her child to get education. These moments don’t feel a lot at that moment but they matter so much and make a larger difference than we could even imagine. This is just a woman being afraid, doesn’t mean I have given up doesn’t mean I will, but it feels right to accept the fear than fight or run from it. Now it feels like a friend, a feeling that keeps me safe and makes me think rationally, makes me see clearly. It is alright to be afraid, look at the fear right in its eye and see, you will see the concern and care behind the darkness, you will see the reason why it has arrived, make its your dearest friend consoling them you will be alright, maybe not now, maybe not in a while, you might take the wrong decision, you might fail. You can fail, let yourself. Get up, brush yourself like what you used to when you fell from the slides when you were little, and run ahead. It’s a long journey, you can at least make it a fun ride.
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Photo credit: Image provided by the storyteller.