2 months clean

Dedication: To my late mother and son who would be so proud of me

After a lifetime of drinking and 7 years of shooting crystal meth , now 2 months clean .I was crying the other day, tears of joy but also sadness. Why sadness well no matter if it’s good or bad a los is always hard and the part of me that I’ve held on to for 20+years I’m losing, it’s scares me I’m not going to lie, this life is all I’ve known for like I said 20+years. So to let go of someone that I created to survive in that world scares me but as I emerge into the light a new version a better version a healthful version shall arise..I don’t know what to expect… I’ve never really had a life without drugs or alcohol… But I also want to see what life is like without it. It’s time to put this all behind me and power forward, so yes I am a lil sad to lose that part of Jacquie but not afraid to let go.. As each day passes i let my grip go just a lil bit..I was told I’m emerging from the dark into the light.. All I have to say about that is it’s bright out there.. I’ve quit Jan 11 cold turkey from shooting meth for 7 years I flushed all my dope threw out all paraphernalia and says enough is enough and choose that day to be my first day clean, hard since I live in my same building where everyone around me still drinks, still uses drugs everyday.. But I manage to maintain sobriety. I’ve challenged myself to a one month fitness challenge, I started that 5 days ago I workout everyday, the hard part for me is giving up my soda pop and my midnight snacking but I’m trying ..(lol I know trying is lying( just do it Jax been going out for long daily walks… Been trying to find me, been looking at life from a different angle trying to stay positive and strong. I no longer just want to exist I want to live life and be happy..I just wanted to share with some one my thoughts

Photo credit: Image courtesy of the storyteller.

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Jacquie Dennis

47 assuring native woman, I'm now definately trying to break a vicious cycle.. I've moved from city to city in hopes for a change but never changed me so it never worked. I have given birth to 4 children have 2 surviving one I lost to sids in92 and the other to drug overdose in 2018. I've lost my mom in June 2029 one week after my birthday. I card for my mom in her final months of life so it was obviously devastating for me, but I will not let drugs and alcohol rule my life anymore and let it mask my pain