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im a 13 year old trans male.
from when i was 5-6 till now i always got bullied for being fat, for being the weird kid. i never had any friends. from 5 till 8-9 it was just calling me names and saying things to me that were mean, but when i got older and they started to become older it got more serious, they would yell at me, hit me, tell me to kill myself because no one will care about me being dead. thanks to the yelling and hitting, i developed panic attacks, and multiple traumas. every time someone raises their hand i would flinch and try not to cry. when i was 9 i never wanted to eat and also developed an eating disorder, it felt like i mentally went to hell. i would have voices in my head telling me things like “your useless, you dont deserve to live, just goddamn kill yourself, fat, ugly, you deserved everything bad that happened to you” the voices and their sentences torn me apart from the inside. i was just a kid from 9? i was never be able to handle that. but it seemed like they didnt know that. still at the age of 9 i had a online sibling. they were always there for me and helped me through so many rough times. if it wasnt for them i wouldnt have been here. but lets continue. when i was 10-11 everything started to get a bit better except for the bullying. i was able to identify what i was feeling wich i before couldnt. at the age of 12-13 i tried killing myself multiple times but always ended up failing. at my first vacation when i was 13 i got r@ped 2 times. wich gave me more traumas. i got r@ped by two boys. wich caused me to be afraid to be touched and or have a boy no matter what age come close to me. sorry if i have spelled things wrong, english is not my first language.