Dedication: To anyone struggling or having a hard time in life.
As I was scrolling through TikTok, I stumbled upon a motivational video featuring Keanu Reeves. His words resonated deeply with me: “Stop waiting for life to get easy. Stop hoping for someone to save you. You don’t need another person lying to you. Things don’t all add up, but you are resilient. Face some hard facts—you can have an incredible life.” These words imprinted on my heart. It felt like he was speaking directly to me, reminding me of the fears I had buried over the years. Reflecting on my 30+ years, I can see both the pain and emptiness, but also the moments of peace and achievement.
Growing up as the eldest of eleven children in a large family, my childhood was anything but ordinary. Being the firstborn came with its own set of rules, limitations, and struggles, especially in a home steeped in poverty. From a young age, I was told to care for others, and so I did, often sacrificing my own needs. My childhood was consumed by responsibilities—studying, caring for siblings, and worrying about everyone else.
As I grew older, I developed a deep resentment for poverty. For those who have risen above it, poverty is the epitome of trauma. I was so poor that basic needs like medical or dental care were luxuries I couldn’t afford. I remember praying to God that I would never fall seriously ill because leaning on others had become too difficult. Disappointment after disappointment, I became accustomed to doing things on my own. This wounded me deeply, affecting my ability to form new friendships and relationships. I feared that opening up to others would expose the vulnerability I was so desperate to hide. People often pitied my journey, but I never wanted their sympathy. I wanted them to know that despite everything, I turned out okay and would never stop growing.
These experiences made me self-reliant, comfortable with discomfort, yet at times life felt utterly meaningless. I lost good friends, often misunderstood, and wished for someone to reach out, to offer a simple hug when I needed it most.These experiences made me self-reliant, comfortable with discomfort, yet at times life felt utterly meaningless. I lost good friends, often misunderstood, and wished for someone to reach out, to offer a simple hug when I needed it most. Despite everything, I clung to one constant in my life—education. From an early age, I learned that education was the key to success, and I was determined to succeed. After enduring countless struggles, I earned a scholarship for my undergraduate studies and later, for my postgraduate studies. Getting to this point was anything but easy. At 30 years old, I found myself educated yet without a stable income to support myself. But every day, I reminded myself that I had come too far to give up now. So, I embarked on yet another journey—one of enduring hardships and practicing patience.
For some of you, life will take you on a journey where it feels like you’re going nowhere. You’ll feel as though nothing you try is working. I remember feeling tired and exhausted—feelings that still linger to this day—but I’ve come to realize that this is just a sign of hard work. People often tell me, “You’re a strong person,” as if implying that I’m some kind of superhuman, capable of withstanding endless hardship and pain. But the truth is, just like everyone else, I’m human. I struggle, I fail, and I suffer defeats. The difference lies in how I choose to react to these struggles, failures, and defeats.
I’ve made a choice to break the generational curses that have haunted my family for years. I’ve chosen to forgive myself—for being hard on myself, for pushing beyond my limits, for not taking care of me because I was too busy chasing my dreams. I’ve chosen to forgive myself for leaving people behind, even those who were good to me. There are so many things I need to forgive myself for, and I know it won’t happen overnight. But I’ll never stop forgiving myself, because only then will I find true peace.
So, to anyone who finds themselves on a similar journey, remember this: Life won’t always be easy, and you will face moments where giving up seems like the only option. But if you hold on, keep moving forward, and forgive yourself along the way, you’ll find that you’re stronger than you ever imagined. And in that strength, you’ll discover the incredible life that was always meant for you.