Dedication: my family
i do not know if it matters as being male but here goes i have so many sories a lot near death ones but my early teens they start through trauma from being wipped by an old rubber telephone wire from head to toe aged 10 /11 to being beaten with pick shafts to having homemade walking sticks used with such force they snapped which then lead me at 16 to hold up an off liscense with no mask and a fake gun to escape my household and my father which i was giving 5 years and only made me worse as little did i know back then from the age of about 12/13 i was suffering PTSD i was very deep by the time i had reached prison and withdrawn full of hurt and anger fear and a range of emotions i could no longer contain 12 months into the 5 year sentence something snapped under more pressure at that time i was in dumfries young offenders when i snapped something in my brain tinked and i began to slip away a week later i went numb but did not know what had happened no fear no pain physically and emotionally prison psychiatrists put me on seroxat which made me worse and i became something else my full personality changed all i did was fight to defend myself throught my incarceration afterall i could feel no pain all through my prison time and for years after from the youngb offenders right through to barlinnie and shotts prison in Scotland every jail i entered was destroyed and any convict in my way .but deep down there was a frightened child wioth love compassion and a whole host of emotions that had to fight tooth and nail to come back out in 2011 i helped put away someone i knew for murdering young guys 1 he was convicted on 5 he was suspected off which i knew he done i have been stabbed 5 diff times with multiple stabs each time slashed shot at not through crime but rather for not giving into the criminal element who tried to use me and my unwell ness to their benefit if anyone reading this as i cannot go into everything just a small portion feels they have a similer situation please do not give up because their is Hope and as they say and true time is a great healer please do not give up sending you care and determination mr Brian skillin