Not knowing

Dedication: I would like to dedicate this story to all the orphanage kids or foster kids out there. Nothin is impossible. Just believe and trust the progress each day. The story I have shared is only half of my story, rest of story is hard to tell.

I was born on April 8th, 2001. No one really sure which days I was born, but this is the day the orphanage people had found and taken me. I have always wondered why my biological parents left me. Maybe I have a distability, and they didn’t have enough money to take care of me and for a surgery. Maybe I was mistake? Maybe my biological parents divorced? Maybe one child policy. I don’t really know, but I have always wondered that question every night. I have lived in the orphanage for 4 years, in Nanjing, China. I don’t really remember what was like in orphanage because I was really little. After 4 years living in orphanage, I was in foster home for 7 years. The family I was living with was very memorable. I miss them so much. Sometimes they were very mean, and get mad, and physical abuse, but I believe thats their way of teaching. My china dad usually get drunk a lot because of the business. His job is to kill the pigs and sell the meats… it was scary. I remember that I always go with my dad and watch him kill pigs. It was the most scariest thing in world. When I was little, I use to scared of the pigs, and whenever I see pigs, I cry and cry. I don’t want to say this, but my china dad also kill dogs and then, they eat them after. Its most worst thing I have ever seen. When I was 7 or 8 yrs old, I stood there, and watch him kill the dogs. It was most scariest thing ever. I didn’t know what to do. I just stood there and cried. My china parents also ate the dog. I didn’t, I ran away..if I see them eat the dog, I get a fear, heart attack, and scream, and cry. But that was my dads job so we have money to live. My childhood was pretty messed up. My china mom told me that I did not know how to talk till I was 6, so I went to kindergarten when I was 6 years old. School wasn’t too hard, kids was okay. Most kids likes to bully me. I did not why, I was age 6 at that time, and I didn’t really know what i was doing. I have always been a happy kid. As the years go by, the kids are being mean to me, as we get older, people understand more things. I told them I was from orphanage and they walk away. They hated me, even the teachers. They hit me with the rulers, and pull my hair out. They were not very nice to me at all. I had hard life. Sometimes the teachers give a F on HW assignment, just because I was an orphanage kid. I steal a lot of money from my mom or my dad. I use the money for school supplies and food. One time, I begged them to buy me a Chinese dictionary, because the teachers told us we have to get it and its required. My mom said no, its too expensive, it was $50. I had to have it so I stole $50 from her. She got really mad at me, I got hit, and slapped, and without food for a day. But it was worth it for the dictionary. I would rather not embarrass myself in front of my classmates, even though, they already hate me.It was really hard and rough that day. When I was in 2nd grade, there were a new student joined our grade, I got really excited. I was talking to her, really happy. Then, the classmates and told her I was from orhpange, then she walked away. She was nice enough come up to me and asked, “ how about you pay me everyday and I will be your friend everyday”. I was like sure! So I did it. I was like babysitting them. I was buying them food, and school supplies, but was with my own money. They told me to get them food, I have to do it, or else, she won’t be friends with me. One time, I told her no, I don’t want to get you food, then she Said, “ if you don’t get me food, then I’m breaking friendship with you.” I got really scared, because I don’t want to lose her. She would repeat herself whenever I don’t want to do something for her. Until the end of the year, I was tired of it. I told her I don’t want to be friends with her anymore, I don’t want to pay her anymore, I don’t have anymore money. I kept getting hit and yelled at by my foster parents. She said okay. Next day at school, she threw my homework and pushed my table, and got me in trouble, and gives me mean face, and talked behind my back. She told other students to bully me. The only friends I have were the people from orphanage. I had a foster brother, who was also from orphanage, but he wasn’t a good kid. He stole $100 or more from my foster mom, or dads wallet everyday. He also stole teachers wallet and money. He stole money from a lot of people. When I was about 8 years old, he left. He got adopted by an American family, I’m not sure who it was. I don’t even their names, we never even met them. He left without saying anything, he hated us. I remember that my mom give him her number, but he doesn’t want it. Years go by, age of 11, June 20th, I got adopted. It was the saddest moment of my life, and it was also the scariest, knowing I am going to live with that family for rest my life. After almost 11 years, I’ve realized I am the luckiest kid ever, and that God planned all of this for me. Day 1 being in United States….. the feeling I cannot explain. Knowing I am going to live with strangers who I call them mom, dad, and sister.