My reason to be?

Dedication: My family

my life ? well….what should i begin with!…

let’s say!… I’m born with deformation of vertebral column. yet i always though i could live with as i saw myself just as a normal person. my dad ( may his soul rest in peace) never wanted me to be a beggar ( because where i come from, when you are an handicapped, you have no future…you live with charity and in the lower society rank) !….and my mum? oh !! she was and she is still a hero for me, when my dad didn’t want me to go to public school, as others kids could make fun of me…she was against that decision. she wanted me to be in public as she probably thought i had a brilliant future. my brothers and sisters…well…greatest people ever, especially 2 of them ( one who is my big brother; was not the most kind people in the outside treated me as all our others family members when it came to punishment and anything else aswell , but in the inside…he has the greatest heart ever…his 1st son, he gave him my name…do you believe it?? … my little brother? omg i could stay an eternity talking about him…he is strong , he has the force to crush my whole body 100 times but he never raised his voice while talking to me or ever disrespect me once…he even bear it when i yell at him which I’m not proud of.. but that’s my only way to at least prove I’m an normal person as everyone else) …… my sisters? i could offer them the entire world and it’s wealth just to show them how grateful I’m toward them… I’ll only let God gratify them for me. Oh…our elder brother, I can’t forget him because he is just an angel…yes that’s the only word I can use to describe him….

oh i forgot to talk about my childhood, i assimilated my mum’s concept, she believed that I’m a normal person as everyone else…i believed that as the one Truth…at school, i was brilliant….. always ranked 1st from all my elementary class but as i grow, i started to see how the world work….you have to look good and also be rich…yet my family was not a rich one so imagine now how it was for me….

there was even times when i ran away from home cause it was so hard for me to wake up every day seeing how my family lived…dad passed away at my age of 14 , and my mum without any big help from her family, ( expect one of my uncle)had to take care of all of us…she sold every precious thing she had except her dignity just to never let us down ….yes of course it was a shame waking up every day and couldn’t do anything to help her…help us….so my only solution was to run away….

while I’m growing, i feels more empty inside because i know how the world is …i know there is seldom chance i find love …. that’s not for people like me, added on that i can’t even prove my mum that the brilliant future she wanted for me , she dreamt for me…is surely possible … I’m age of 29 now, things getting harder for me, beside being handicapped, i have very weak health…but that’s not really the question… the question is why? why i can’t be something? i would love to accomplish in my life 1 great thing that can make mum proud…. she still take care of me as when i was age 2…

my only fear is to die without proving my mum, my family and every one who have faith in me…that handicapped people can do something in their life.

I’ll still try my best until death come to get me but if ever my life end without any great accomplishment from me…mum… I’m deeply sorry to let you down.