I’m more than my body

Trigger warning: Before reading this post, please be aware that it contains a description of childhood sexual assault.

TW: this letter contains sexual assault.

Dear rapist,

It’s been 8 years since it happened but yet it just keeps replaying in my head on this loop that I can’t control and I’m not sure why I think it’s because I never really got closure. I don’t know if you remember but you took me down to the basement I’m not sure when but I remember both of our pants were off and you kept telling me “don’t look down’’ I did and at the time I didn’t realize what was happening but now I do and it haunts me. A couple of years later you came to my house you had a daughter you had brought her and your girlfriend along the next day during guidance we were talking about sexual assault and I think that’s when I figured out what you did was wrong. I went to the counselor after school and a couple of minutes later police were at my classroom door and not too long after that your court case was being held and for months of waiting and sitting through that torture that as a little kid I shouldn’t have had to go through and now 3 years later im only 13 but while you got off on probation I have to carry this around with me and people will tell me nothing really happened because I wasn’t penetrated and when I’m around any man I feel uncomfortable and when I’m alone im scared out of my mind and I don’t think this fear is ever going to go away because what you did will leave a scratch on you and a scar on me. And I have to ask, was it worth it, was what you did to me worth losing the people you love, and was it worth permanently damaging me.

And as a message to all of the girls or guys who have gone through any sexual or physical assault we are not victims… we are survivors and we will stand strong together to prove we are more than what’s on the outside of our bodies, we are more than our shape or color or size we should be able to dress how we like and those people should learn to control themselves, stay hopeful, stay strong you may have lost the battle but we will win the war.

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My name is Paige I am 13 years old and I'm gonna be a lawyer and do a better job of getting the bad men in prison and helping the survivors.