My mother and me, how I found her and fixed our relationship

Dedication: My amazing and beautiful mother

Growing up without your mother is hard, with each mothers day it gets harder. Especially when you don’t remember ever celebrating one, all you remember is being afraid of some stranger who came to visit one day. Not knowing she was your own mother. Its almost like…she was never even there. But she was for a short while. All my life I’ve been told different stories and I’m not sure what to believe. I’ve talked to many family members of mine who knew her and only a few would tell me anything, others would say I’m not old enough to know or they would just turn the other cheek. All my life I was told that she left and that she never wanted anything to do with us and a part of me accepted this. I believed it because thats all I ever knew. All I ever thought I would know. I spoke to my father a few times about meeting her and he agreed, he promised me that I would get to meet her soon and he would try contacting her. But at the time I didnt realize that it was all a lie. When I was 13 I finally found out I had two brothers. And thats when I got curious. What were they like? Did my older brother miss me? Did my younger brother know he has a sister? Did my mom love them more than she loved me?… a few months after I had these worrying thoughts I saw someone had left a voicemail on our home phone..I decided to play it. Not knowing that voicemail would change my life forever. I will never forget the voice on that phone or the words that were said. The broken voice asking to see her kids, begging to be in their lives again. Saying she had changed and that she wouldn’t take us away. In my head i just kept thinking….was that my mother? As the message ended my father told me to delete the message and hang up the phone, frantically I wrote down the number on a sticky note and stuffed it in my pocket and walked to my friends house. I told her what I had just heard and she encouraged me to call my mother. With my hands shaking I took the phone and dialed her number. i hear a faint “hello?” I pause not knowing what to say right away. I look at my friend who gives an uplifting smile and I ask the woman’s name on the phone. She say “yes, who is this?” I tell her my name and there is a pause before she says “you better not be joking, is this a joke?” I tell her its not and I hear her crying and she is happy. We continue to talk once a week for about a year before my friend moves, thats when I can’t talk to her anymore. I send one last message and before I get a reply my friend is States away. It was 3 years later that I decided to try again through a fake Facebook account. I friended my mother and started posting things about her. saying how hard it was without a mother and writing my story. She replied one day saying I reminded her of her only daughter, after a while of talking she started to wonder. She asked how old I was and when I told her she then asked if my Facebook name was my real name. it took all I had to tell her no. Is was so scared that if I began talking to her that my dad would find out and it would lead to another fight. but when I told her that wasn’t my real name she knew it was me. We exchanged numbers and now we have been talking for about 5 months. I have also been able to talk to my brothers, and other family members who I never knew. talking to my mother again has been the best decision of my life. Getting to know her better every day and being able to tell her anything.she is the most wonderful and inspiring woman I know today. she is powerful and so sweet. We talk in secret almost every day and I tell her everything. Gaining back that mother daughter relationship we were never able to have. I’ve learned so much about her and she was able to tell me more of what actually happened, she was able to talk about my childhood and the memories she had of me and my brother and father. and in two years I’ll finally get to meet her. I cannot wait for that day. I am 16 and I haven’t seen her since I was 5. please if you read this please pray for us. And if you are a mother or daughter or even if you know anyone going through something similar please share my story. Every girl needs a mother. So girls please know your mother loves you, she thinks about you and cares for you. And mothers please know your daughters love you ad care for you. if you have a broken relationship then do your best to fix it. Forgive each other. getting to know my mother again change my life and I love her so much, knowing she loves me too lifts me up each and every day. This is just what I’ve prayed for since I was a little girl. And there isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t think about her. Every girl deserves that special relationship with her mother.