My life

Dedication: I don't have anyone who cares for me.

Trigger warning: Before reading this story, please be aware that it includes a description of childhood sexual assault and other forms of abuse.

When I was young my parents were loving and caring, but sadly I don’t remember much from my childhood. I now live with a burden, and I know that some people have it worst than me. I guess I am just writing this so that I could feel a bit better, because this is my coping mechanism. My life isn’t bad at all actually. Just that my family is toxic and they only care about you when you accomplish something. They don’t physically abuse me I think… they mostly verbally abuse, me. All of my family does, they don’t really care about me. These things didn’t affect me till I was 11 years old. When I was 11 I saw some strange behavior on my brother. He was a little weird, he would touch my butt sometimes and it made me uncomfortable, He would also sometimes sleep in the same room as me and my sister. I didn’t think much of it until… one day I was going to sleep when he came into the room and said he was going to sleep in the same room as me and my sister. I got uncomfortable but didn’t think much of it. later in the night I fell asleep and so did my sister, but I woke up because someone was touching me. I said no, and to stop but he wouldn’t listen. I was too scared and shocked to even move. that is when he pulled down my pants and hurt me. The next morning I woke up change for school and acted like nothing happened. I was so scared of him and still am now. I feel dirty and unclean. I tried to tell my friends and I did but the way that they reacted scared me because I wasn’t ready to tell an adult. I wanted them to comfort me not ask questions about it. I later on told them that it was a prank and they believed it.1 year later my uncle moved in with us. He tried to touch me many times as well. But I was older I thought I could stop this, I kinda did. He would try to touch me and put me on his lap. He would try to kiss me but I would move and he would kiss my neck instead. Never let him go any farther. After this I have never told anyone. People don’t know this still I want to die because of it but I feel like I can’t tell anyone because they will judge me. My parents don’t even care about me they say I am useless and lazy. In reality I don’t have motivation to get up because I am scared to see them. Yes they still in the same house as me. I get so scared I developed sleeping problems I can’t sleep in fear that he will come in my room again. Or that my uncle is stalking me through my window. I spend a lot of time in my room because of it. My parents always say that it’s because I am a lazy ass who will get nowhere in life. I don’t even get them when I am a 4.0 gpa student. My mom hits me sometimes, but she mostly yells at me. She once slapped me for something my sister did, and she hit me with a hanger many times for not taking care of my 3 yearly brothers toy. That left me marks. My brother also hits me still even though he took my values he dares to hit me sometimes. He throws shoes at me and one time he kept on hitting me till I hit my head on the table and now me head is swollen. I am scared of these people. They call me lazy and antisocial but in reality I don’t want to see them. I don’t have anyone to talk to about this and I am too scared to speak up I am currently 13 and I can’t wait to get out this house hold and start a new life.