my life

english is not my 1st language so mind my mistake

i was girl who was really joy full girl whole her childhood but deep inside there was always something kepp telling me i am not perfect and i am untalented it got worse when i grew up as a teenage

so right now in present i am a teenage , well so i am gonna every truth :
i was never really good at studies my parents kept on telling me i am not good and they are wasting there money on and yes my parents used to also beat , scold me when i got bad grades i used to cry alone in the room . after this when i got in 8 things got worse all my friends had phone and i didn’t i felt like i am out i felt basically i am the odd one , i had big thighs and i hated it . i wanted to be slim and beautiful i wasn’t able to wear jeans as i thought it made my big thighs more visible i used to eat all then my mom started telling me i am getting fat and then no boy will like me as i was getting fat so in summer vacation i decided to lose weight i came from 52 to 46 but still i feel fat

after the exams of i had to decided whether i should do olevel or simple matric i forced my parents to make or let me do olevel
( and i am doing olevel ) but all of my relative said ” i can’t do it ” , ” i am not capable of doing it ” and even my mom was one of those

i felt that i should already die then

i used an old phone at my home without telling my dad i hid it( i used to listen to music and post on insta on my fan page ) basically but after a month got caught i still remember that day when my dad said ” its better you die rather living ” . i started eating random medicine at my school i prayed god to kill me then i even talk to a online psychiatrist they wasn’t of any help they just said they will report it to my local authorities .i am glad nothing happened no one came . but beside all of this i still love my family at least they send me for education it my mistake i can’t and am unable to do anything , i didn’t wanted any one to come at my home and tell my parents to be better parents
but there is one thing i still don’t understand why is god so unfair with me i am not beautiful nor slim nor intelligent
AND THAT’S A TRUTH ABOUT MY LIFE I HIDE INSIDE MY HEART