My Biggest Mistake

It was Christmas night, 2022 and I was drunk, laying in bed and thinking about the guy who had ghosted me 2 weeks ago. I thought to myself, he would always beg me to send him things (the worst possible thing a girl could send a guy) and I would always tell him soon and I would never do it. This is when the idea first came into my head. I need to send him this to get him back. I missed him so much and I was completely attached to him. I trusted him with every bone in my body, and we would always send each other things back and forth, so when I clicked send, there were no worries whatsoever. Then, I got a FaceTime call from the guy, who I’ll just call Ben and his girlfriend at the time, which I had no idea about. She started arguing with me and was so pissed. Me on the other end was confused, mostly cause I was drinking a lot and had no idea what was going on. After I left the FaceTime call, I decided to text the girl to figure out what was really going on. Turns out she saw the video I had sent him because Ben had showed her on FaceTime. I didn’t process this at the time though. After, I still continued to send him pictures because I had no idea what was going on, to which he was then screen sharing on FaceTime for both pictures I had sent him, so the girlfriend saw everything. Immediately after screen sharing, I was blocked by him. My heart dropped. No way, I thought that this is really happening to me right now. I started crying and didn’t know how to feel. Fast forward to a week and a half later, when I was on a school field trip with my best friends and my mother. The day was amazing, until the ride back from the trip. I was on my best friends phone, who wasn’t blocked by Ben at the time. I was on Snapchat and sending him pictures of me asking him to unblock me because I missed him so much. I then heard from a classmate who goes to his school, that he was talking to another girl on FaceTime during class. I was so surprised and decided to snap him a picture and say, “You and (the girls name)?” as a joke. He did not take this as a joke, however, and saved my picture in the chat and sent it to her. Now, this is a girl who has no idea who I am, I just know who she is. So, she’s really confused about why I’m talking about her in the first place. Then, I get a notification on my phone, saying that she had added me on snap(because I didn’t know her at all, I didn’t even have her added or anything because we’ve never talked before). I asked my friend sitting next to me, “Should I add her back?” I don’t remember if she had answered me or not, but I still ended up adding her back. My worst mistake was clicking that accept button. She sent me the picture I had sent Ben, where I was asking him “You and (the girls name)?” as a joke. She was laughing but she had no idea how I even knew her and told me to keep her name out of her mouth. A couple minutes later, I get a snap from her and it’s me in the background. I suddenly remember that the background is the video that I sent Ben. I didn’t know what to do. I just sat there in shock. Seconds later, she sends me the video that I had sent Ben. The full video and everything. I was trying my hardest not to break down crying because my mom was just a few seats away and she would definitely hear me. I then get an add from a random person. I accept anyways. The girl lives in Georgia. She sends me my video. I’m now just in complete shock. Like I seriously had no idea what to even do. I asked her if she knew Ben and she said yea. Her and the other girl who initially sent me my video were now calling me names, which I’m sure you can assume what they were calling me. Reminder, I’m on the coach bus dealing with all of this. (Trigger warning: mention of vomit and gagging) I run to the bathroom, feeling like I’m about to die. I get into the bathroom and kneel on the ground with my elbows on the toilet seat(I know its gross but I just didn’t even care at that point). I start gagging, feeling like I need to throw up. It was one of the worst feelings I’ve ever felt in my entire life. I was in the bathroom, all alone for 5 minutes just sitting there. My friend then comes to check on me and I just start dumping all of my worries onto her. I tell her how I need to let my mom know about the situation that was happening before anything gets bad, but if your a teen like me, you know how hard that would be to do. My friend tells me, do you want me to get your mom? I say yes and realize I’m about to ruin my whole life in 5 seconds. My mom walks back to the bathroom and I shut the door with her in there. I cry my eyes out and tell her what happened. The look on her face that day I will never forget. She was shocked, disappointed, and frustrated, all at the same time. The thing is, my mother would always tell me not to send anything to any guy ever, and I would always say, “I know, I wouldn’t do that”. Well… I did. I go back to my seat and my phone starts blowing up with text messages. I felt like my life was over when I was sitting down on that seat. I get messages from these two girls who go to school with me. One of them tells me that the initial girl had made a group chat with the two girls who went to my school and sent it in there. One of the girls watched the video all the way through. I was done. I was telling my mom everything that was happening. I then found out that the initial girl had also posted it to her story. Great. One of the most popular girls in the state was posting my nudes to her story. Once I got home, my mom told my dad and he was furious. It seemed like he didn’t accept me as his daughter anymore. I was so disappointed in myself. My dad ended up calling the police and they had to take my phone for a month to use as evidence. Currently, my phone is still taken, but not by the police anymore. My parents have it. I’m supposed to be getting it back in less than a month now, which I’m really excited about. I realize, however, that I have broken trust with both of my parents. That is something that is going to take years to build back up again. I’m scared for the future, but I have to be worrying about the present instead. I feel as though I have learned my lesson, but I know one day there is going to be another guy who I trust with my whole life, who is going to convince me that it’s a good idea to send him something again, which I’m really scared of. I also might be getting back with “Ben” again once I get my phone back. I do not recommend going back to the guy who leaked your nudes, it’s just that I have such an unhealthy attachment to him, I just can’t see my life without him. So, if you don’t want to be like me and be sad and depressed and mad at yourself because your nudes got leaked, don’t send them in the first place. You’ll thank me. Once you start, the guy will keep begging you and your going to keep sending stuff, to the point where it gets leaked. If you do still decide to send stuff, however, after hearing my story, send to people out of state. There is a much lesser chance of them getting leaked because no one who they know will know you. (most likely). If your a parent, go through your kids phone because they probably have sent nudes also, its a very common thing to do among teens. Also, if your a teen and your thinking about drinking, yes it is fun, but you’ll end up addicted like me and will do stupid things like what I did. I guarantee if I was sober, I wouldn’t have done what I did on that Christmas night. This is one of my biggest mistakes I’ve made in my life and is something that I’ll remember for the rest of my life. Looking forward to getting my phone back on March 20! (sorry if this was a lot I just really wanted to get my thoughts out and have people online hear my story).