My addiction

Like everyone else, I wake up in my bed early in the morning. Unlike others, I open my laptop first thing in the morning. I don’t do yoga nor brush my teeth nor do I wash my face. Hell, sometimes, I go to the bathroom when I remember that it had been days since I watched my face. And, when I open my laptop, it’s not to check my messages but, to start a new series and waste yet another day. I binge-watch anything. I wasn’t like this before.

I remember that it was when I was in grade 8. I went to a mobile shop where the man used to copy movies and stuff in the pen drive or mobiles for 10 rupees per movie. I didn’t have a mobile phone of my own then. my mother had a Nokia C2-00 at that time. I could run 3gp videos on that phone. and it costed less for 3gp videos. i remember that I could get 2 or 3 movies for 10 rupees. so, that’s how i got into Bollywood and Hollywood.

I liked Hollywood movies more that time. I wasn’t so much into movies and stuff during that period. I would watch them occasionally but I was more into mobile games. I used to play them more than watching movies.

then my father bought a desktop for me. it was a sort of prize for me, as i had become the first in my class. i was actually a bright kid. so, he had bought that as he had promised. i wanted to play games on that pc but it was a low-end one. so, it didn’t support powerful games. but I remember playing GTA vice city and San Andreas. my pc would hang every hour or so while playing the game. I started watching movies on that pc.

I then got hooked into watching tv series I think.
I liked them. I adored the characters, their stories. they fulfilled my ego I think. being weak and helpless at the beginning, and the transformation they go throughout the series was something that hooked me into them. they were able to satisfy my ego and they did a good job into that.

I then watched and watched and never looked back. after that, I got into Japanese animations, anime. i watched most of the popular animes of Japan.
then I watched Chinese animations. I liked the 3d animation.

I then felt that I had nothing more to watch. but I encountered a drama on youtube then. it was a Korean drama. I don’t remember what my first Korean drama was. but then I started watching them. by now, I have watched more than 100+ Korean dramas, Chinese dramas, etc.

what started as a hobby soon turned into an addiction. I would feel lost if I wasn’t watching something. watching them would make me distracted. I think that I liked the feeling of being distracted. they distracted me completely from my reality. i liked this feeling a lot. i didn’t have to deal with my problems. I just ignored them and watched and watched. I knew that I was getting in deeper and deeper. and I would soon get into trouble. still, the feeling of not having to deal with them won me over and got me hooked successfully. my problems are getting more and more stacked up and t piled up at the corner.

Now, I am about to fail my exams. I am losing my mind. i don’t contact my friends. i don’t speak much with my family. i spend more than 18 hours every day on the laptop. it has been like that for more than 2 or 3 years now. i am losing my friends. I am losing my family. everything I had was on the verge of being lost. will I still live in the illusion or will I ever have the courage to face my problems? or will it be too late for me?

Story shared by...

Rajib Adhikari

I am a 20-year-old engineering student. I am from a middle-class family where I need to shoulder my family. But, I am lost right now and I am trying to find my way.