My Abusive Ex

this is my story about my toxic ex
we became friends in 6th grade and got into a relationship in 7th grade on 18th January 2018.
everything was fine for the first half a year and began abusing me in 8th grade. this included sticking pens in my thighs , punching my thighs, squeezing my hand when i said something “wrong” and forcing me physically and mentally to have sex with him just plain being really bad with me for no reason. i wasnt allowed to talk to talk to other boys. our first breakup was right before an exam in may 2019. we got back together in 4 days when he found out i had a higher grade then him at the exam he punched me and left a scar on my face. our next breakup was in november right before my birthday we got back together in 1 week. next breakup was on our 2 year anniversaryin 2020 and got back together in 1 week. next one was on 20th of february that was the worst one. we both got into a relationship while we wore broken up . we got back together sometime in may. we were happy for some time not being toxic. but in july the sexual and mental harassment began again. this time i broke up with him on the 3rd of december. i am still sad ab him, i know he is a bastard but i feel like everything was my fault.