Dedication: To my mother Yvonne
I ďesided the only way to get my story to the world is the worst possible time in my life. I had to write an essay for my a class of mine and they want to know if I thought I had a gift and where is came from as I wrote it I leaned who much I don’t like sharing the story with anyone else. I had to share my life with the world and I am very proud of myself for being so strong about the fact that the only reason I didn’t want to talk about what happened to us is because of the way that things are and I don’t care but it’s clear to me that I am not going to get any help if I don’t.
So here it is: I believe I was born with a gift. A lite inside of us. Some people would call it a soul, I know that I am not, a perfect person. but I know things about people that others can’t see.
When I was four years old I had to watch my mother get murdered in front of me and my brothers. It awoke my lite!
I remember this was the first time I felt anything other then loved! wasn’t fear, but it wasn’t good either. I could feel her soul; her lite burning out I couldn’t tell her how much I loved her being a little girl who was in the same room as her,I knew without a doubt that she was saying it, with her life. People like to think that because j was so little and lucky that I didn’t see the pain in her or the evil of the person who was taking her lite and I’m sick and tried of being forced to make it look good. It wasn’t good it was hell for all of us. I was just a kid and baby 4 years old and I thought myself how to love more than hate. My brother who never got the right thing in life was a drinker was a mess but I knew why and I knew not to mention the fact that no one else was going to do anythingto help us. She died before her story could even begin and my oldest brother who was there could see the same thing as I did, can feel them with me everyday. I didn’t feel scared, had to be strong; stand up for myself and those who have that lite slowly burning out. I will never understand a people that just leave you alone in a bad state of mind and never even tried to do something about it, we where punished for so long and now that my oldest brother is with her I know what to do about it and I wont let them down….help. So I believe that’s why I can do a good job…being a person who can see, that you are a real life person. Who is trying. As long as I feel that lite shining I share their life with people.
I use music to read the way people think, who to use it to work for you, they use it to feel something, Or to get away from feeling at all. I use it to learn about the whole story, have been trying hard like that! been in a place that I had to work very hard alone all my life! my whole life I was…waiting for a SIGN! Telling me it’s my turn to share the story’s
So here I am with the best of my emotional intelligence and my gifts. I could have used my ability to do bad things but it’s not what it means to, me! I learned how to love so much that has psychological caused me pain; I want to bring that light out in myself and in those little kids that have noone else to listen to their story! To hear their voices inside the light. I think if you have never had to fight for your life. then you don’t really understand what it is like really know real pain. As much as I wish that day never happened. I knew that the good that my mother gave me, was to be use in a way thats not up to me God shows me the full story, and I will show others that they can’t have everything but they can sure try with me by their side not alone. It takes a village to raise a family but sometimes we are left all alone, in a place that’s where you shouldn’t be. then to have them use your own words against you..to share the gifts that is allowed by the lite. My story and what I believe my gift is, is something I was born with! something that my mother gave me. What the people and the system didn’t give me.. “help” We all can “Love” yes, Its a good thing to take care of, in the end it you and you lite, I have been asking myself why I am supposed to do this job? I say I am who I am; these are the gifts that I have been trying to use. Thank you for being a part of my life! I know where my gift came from and I love it.
Photo credit: Photo provided by the storyteller.