Dedication: No
Always i have been the most quiet kid in my family. My mon told me how i never disturbed her when i was a baby and i didnt cry much.Well i can tell this afected me in my life. i grew up with my mum and my 2 sister older and younger i am the second child. We came from a really poor family and my dad had to go to another country to make money and sent it to my mum so she could raise us. My mum raised us with so many diffucilites as we didnt have many money. I only saw my dad 3 months only in summer when we all like went at dads in the other country so we could spent time with him. My mum and Dad always had issues with each other. they always argue. My dad in the past was an alcholic so when he drank too much everyone would be so scared of him. My dad was abusive too He wasnt but he could be everytime he drank too much.Hurting my mum And hearing them from the kther room and remembering being so scared. I loved my dad when i was young i mean i loved the attention i got from him becaouse he was never around. Always and the three months we saw him he worked everyday and we only saw him at night.We never bonded as a family . My dad gets so angry he has also tried to kill my sister and mum in front of us . i was the favourite child back than becaouse i had always good grades in school never maked at noise and always keeped at myself. i was intellignez at my own so i didnt need to study this lasted till 5thgrade.My mum back in our homecountry worked to from 6am till 5pm so we basically grew up alone. we never had food in th house and money. She would come home from work and be so tired and only sleep or she would come home angry and she would saw my sisters grades which they werent good and we would all the punished by sleepping out the house or locking us at the bathroom or basement. i never talked to amyone and i would never communicate witj anyone out the house. we would do only in school and be home for the rest of th year only in summer we go away. my mum struggled a lot bravouse of my money and my dad wouldnt help. This continuted for years till 5thgrade which at that time i was 11 years old.And my mum told us we wouls be moving at this day and move in with dad in another foreing country. we hadnt the chanche to tell anyone goodbye. So we moved in and i didnt know how things work here i dindnt know the language and school started soon. it was very hard adapting to the new life.Sometime i miss my old life and how things were back there. and the most odd thinf was that i was going to stay with dad which he wasnt atound for 10 years to raise us.I grew very distant with my family and my dad.But i aslo understand why he mived away for money but i belive this things could have been more diferent.I grew up wothout my fathers attention and now sundedly hw want to stay with us at at a difderent counzry.1 year passed and i learned the language becouse i came at summer i knew a litle to spaek but i didnt know how to write.With time I learned. i went into middle school which changed me. Pople knew me for no emotions i never showed any emotions to anyone and i never had friends so i promised myself to get friends and communicate and i Did. But it was really hard cuz i was a shy kid who her whole life she didnt have any friends . I had drama and i hang out with “the wrong crew “ but the problem was i was the leader of bad things and i dindnt know why.I was a vety good kid but this aera just changed me so much i cant reconize myself anyomre.my grades are fcked up and i dont talk to my family i rarely even see them beacouse the two of them work. The obly one i can talk is my sister who understand me too. I go out smoke drink. i found myself drinikng alchol evern though i sweared i will never be like me father. I have some great friends which we spent a lot of time doing teenagers things. But also now for 2 years i feel depressed i dont know waht to do in my life i cant understan one day i feel every emotion and the kther day i dont feel anythings. I struggle to sleep and i was writing this kow at 5am just wanting to vent to somenone. i feel so confused my dad has stopped drinking and stuf and my lifes good but i dont know wahtas wrong with me. i feel very sad and happy and stressed about money. We still dont have much. I dont talk to my oarent for any problems i never had and i will never . I fight a lot of my mum and dad and they have said to me the most hurtings things ever but i dont care anymore. I dont know wjat wrong with me fhat i dont care about my parents its like i am living alone in this house and i like it. I also fell in love with a player which i have been going crazy about it and i swear i will nevrer let myself in love anyomre . I will not let anoyone see me that way . So many people have taken advantage of me bravouse of how nice i was. And i have come to un understading that people with good heart never wins. I am going crazy man i donz know i just need a cig