I was touched and froze


The other day I went out with my colleagues. I started working there just 2 1/2 weeks ago so I do not know them perfectly well. They are all way older than me but I felt very comfortable around them. Very loving. So we went out and had drinks together. At some point a was very drouzy and stopped drinking as I could feel myself drifting off. In a bar I shared a seat with one of my colleagues and held on to him so I wouldn’t fall off. The bar was packed. We all talked had fun etc.

I had no intentions to make any move on anyone as I have a boyfriend and all of them know that.

When the night ended said colleague offered to bring me home and I agreed gladly as it was rainy and not safe to walk home alone. In the car I sat down took my phone out and typed in the address and navigated. I felt more drunk all of a sudden and felt is hand on my inner thigh, I can’t remember how long it had been ther but I moved my leg away. I thought that would be it but he did it again and I again moved my leg away. I frooze and stared on the phone. Then we arrived and I didn’t look at him again. I had a weird feeling that he was trying to do something but I moved quickly out of the car. Then I had a panick attack. I do not know what to do.

I feel disgusting. I hate that I was so drunk. I blame myself because I trust people and I am friendly and nice, Always. I am scared to tell anyone. I’m scared of my next shift because I feel like everybody saw me so vulnerable.
I don’t want to believe that this happened. I feel like people think it’s not a big deal. I don’t want to tell anyone because I’m scared of their reaction.