I didn’t know i was lesbian

My name is aisha I was born 1993 when I was 2 months old my left us. Me and my brother where living with my mom and when i was 8 years old my mom got married but after year she divorced life was so hard for us some times we where not getting food and when I was 11 she married again so me and my brother we decide to leave but we didn’t know where after 2 years we moved with our aunt we gone to refugee camp then our lives become worse I was 16 but I didn’t had any relationship i bleaved that time that I hate men coz of my dad i kept reject anyone ask me out but when i turned 17 my mom offered me arrange marriage i didn’t wanted but she said he leaves in u.s and he can take care of u and i can go to us too I didn’t had no money no job and sometimes not even food i accepted after marriage my life become better financial but I was not happy there where no feelings toward him I played cool but i get pregnant and I had child. The process took lot of years i come u.s age 24 with 2 children I didn’t know there is different sexuality in my country there is man and woman only if someone is gay he/she most hide or die my marriage life was long distance but know it’s worse I had other 2 children on here but I was not for man at all I don’t find men attractive I like woman I told my husband i have no feelings for him but told me that he don’t care and. I have to leave with him but don’t wanna to I’m lesbian muslim and I’m not ready to come out it’s dangerous for me and i can’t even leave single life coz my won’t let me I felt I have to share and hope one day i will leave love life sorry for my broken english