For many years I had the mentality that I was not intelligent or smart enough for anything. I did not even know what course I wanted to do after high school. I was so good in singing, writing lyrics and dancing, everything that is arts but I always saw my academics as a failure. I was always mentally bullied at primary and secondary school. Everyone always said that I was dumb because I was not an English speaker and therefore struggled so much with understanding the language. I am a portuguese speaker, it’s different languages and I had no one basically supporting me and saying it will be alright. My classmates would make fun of me and look at me as the dumb one. They would even ask me how much did I get for a subject so that they can compare and laugh. And the days that I would get such good grades, they would act like it’s impossible.
My end of secondary school exam results were not great. I always thought that I am dumb so I stopped studying and pushing myself because for me no matter how I tried, I would always be last.
It was so sad, living most part of my life this way.
I even went to University with that mentality and it did break me. It broke me because I didn’t believe in myself anymore. I doubted myself everyday in everything.
What once broke me even more was when one day one classmate came up to me bragging about what he will be doing in University, I think he was going for engineering or business and at the end he asks me what do I want to do and before I answered, he just said: “oh you most probably gonna be just a singer.” I couldn’t even defend myself at that point and I kept quite.
Surprisingly in University everything changed because no one has time to bully you, so I started seeing my marks on the B’s D’s C’s and I was so shocked. I had unlocked something in me that I never knew I had it. I was studying Criminology and Criminal Justice. It is so much reading and so many difficult terminologies that could have confused anyone that does not understand English 100%. And then I realized that my English is actually pretty good. Many people would admire, as I am not a first English language speaker.
Finally I decided that I knew what I wanted to do exactly. I did not finish that course and I restarted from 1st year doing the course of my dreams which is Events and Hospitality Management. My grades are now on the A’s and B’s and D’s… How better could it get?
I know who I am today, I do not doubt myself anymore, I believe in my potential, I am achieving greater things everyday, I pray and believe in God more than I did before. I am comfortable with who I am and I love myself.
I have people who trust me and hold me, people who believe me and boost my ego, people that love me and help me to be a better person everyday. I have God always by my side. I cry everytime because God finally showed me the way and blessed me. I have so much going on in my life right now, positive things, and I will never go back to the persons that evil attacked and demolished. Because my heart is a whole, my spirit is a whole, I am a whole, and no one can say otherwise!