F The Past

Dedication: To my past self, your stronger then you think.

Trigger warning: Before reading this post, please be aware that it contains descriptions of childhood sexual molestation and assault.

For as long as I can remember my dad would always grope or pat my butt. He didn’t stop until I was 9, that’s when he finally abandoned my family and I. When I was 10 a family friend showed up at our door in the middle of the night drunk. My mom told him to sleep in the living room and she went back to bed as I went back n forth from my room to the living room to give him a blanket and other things so he could be comfortable. Each time I’d go out he’d pull me close, his hot alcohol scented breath burning my face and he would ask me if I was ready to make love. I didn’t know what it meant at the time, but the way he was staring at me scared the living shit out of me. When I gave him his last item he grabbed my wrist again and wouldn’t let go so I kicked him and ran to tell my mom. She kicked him out and told me that if anyone ever pulls the same thing again don’t be afraid to stand up for myself. When I was 11 though we were homeless and went to live with my cousin and her bf. We were playing pillow fight and he ran into his bdrm and off the switch. My dumbass went in there to hit him so I cud finally win but I couldn’t see him, all of a sudden his hands started groping my breasts. I was an early bloomer and a C cup, idk why I tried to scream for my brother who was right outside, but nothing would come out of my throat. I told everyone and nothing happened in fact my mom apologized to him. Idk what for but she told me it was my fault and I need to be more understanding because he’s dating my cousin and they have a child together. She said that I was going to ruin their family and I needed to stop being a slut. This encouraged him and he continued for 2 more years. He even showed me his penis and I cried my eyes out while he laughed. He only stopped when I was 13 because I had to move. When I was 8 my uncle kept groping my vagina and breasts and it made me uncomfortable. I asked him to stop twice but he didn’t so I slapped his hand away and my brother hit me and held me against the wall as my uncle hit me in the face. Everyone watched and told me I shouldn’t have been disrespectful. I’m 15 now and I’ve been molested multiple times but I haven’t told anyone this time and I never will.