It was a cold winter day, rain pouring, cat purring. Nope. I’m gonna cut the bullshit and get straight to it. Yea it was cold and rainy, but there was no peaceful adorable super cute cat purring on my lap. It was supposed to be a day like any other, boring, lonely, and phone-less. Don’t get me wrong, it was definitely all of those things, but there was one more thing that was the icing on the depression cake. Today is Valentine’s day, so rewind about a week ago on Sunday. I was excited, this would be my first good day in a long time. I was going to church with my mom and I got to see one of my very best friends, we’ll call her Summer. Summer and I were supposed to be in teen bible study while my mom was in the adult one, but we found out that it was no longer in session. Me, being the incredible decision maker I am, I decided to go see my boyfriend. Who technically isn’t my boyfriend anymore, as I have been forbidden to see him. Anyways, Summer and I went to his house to pay him a visit and of course he wasn’t home. But just to my luck his little brother answered and snitched on me to his dad that I was there. That’s when it all came crashing down. Later that night my boyfriends ‘step dad’ called my mom and told her that I needed to stay away from him. He said this because my dad was pressing charges against him for being with a minor (me), much to my dismay. So things were already heated between all of us, and I basically just poured more kerosene into the fire. Long story short, I was in trouble. Again… This was probably like the fourth time I had been in trouble for basically the same reason. Lying and doing things I’m not supposed to. That night, I decided things were going to be different. I was going to change. No more sneaking around trying to be with someone who wasn’t good for me. This is my story.
Every day it gets a little bit easier. Slowly, the memories fade and my heart heals. I still think about him all the time. Almost all day every day. It’s really hard, but as the days go by I tell myself I deserve better, and remind myself of all of the things he did to me. I’m going to put this as simply as I can, because I know millions of girls are going through the same thing. It started January 8th. That, my friends, was the beginning of the end.
We’re gonna call my ex boyfriend Lucifer (like the devil, ha ha I’m funny I know). Lucifer and I used to sneak out together and just drive. We would talk and listen to music together and tell each other our life’s stories. It was so nice at first, I had never met anyone like him and I so badly wanted to spend all day everyday with him. He was a bad boy, I think that is what I liked about him. Which when I think about it is quite honestly so stupid like what do teenage girls even find appealing about that??? Anyways, he told me he loved me. He told me he never loved anyone the way he loved me and that he would never leave me no matter what. He even got a tattoo of my lips on his neck, which is like number one on the list of stupid things people do when they’re in ‘love’. I believed him. I believed he really loved me and I loved him too. For the longest time I told myself that despite everything that happened with our families, that of course he loved me and of course he would wait for me. There was no doubt in my mind about that. Deep down in my heart I wanted to believe it, I wanted to believe that even though my Father forbade us from seeing each other that he would wait for me to turn 18 so we could be together. I tried so hard to tell myself that it would be ok and he would wait a year and a half. I later realized that that is completely and utterly insane. I couldn’t ask him to do that, I couldn’t ask myself to do that either. How do I expect us to put our lives on hold for almost two years? No. I couldn’t do that. At that moment was when it set in that he would probably find someone else. Another girl. Someone he could be with all the time, someone who would give him what I couldn’t. I quickly threw these thoughts away. I have always been the person to put others feelings before mine, and now was the time to stop. I had to think about me this time. I had to forget about him, once and for all. Now, here comes the hard part.
He manipulated me. He made me think he loved me and we would be together forever. Because I am a loving forgiving Christian girl, I believe that he didn’t do it on purpose. He didn’t purposely try to hurt me, he did love me. Things just got out of hand, in a way that they never should have. Because he loved me and I thought he was the one, we had sex. A few times. Even though I am 16 and he is 20, I thought this was ok, because we loved each other after all. This was nowhere near ok. Not at all. Legally, I am under the age of consent, and even if I said ‘yes’ it was still rape. He raped me. He manipulated me into thinking we would be together forever, so it was ok to have sex. Just because you weren’t held against your will, or anything else that you see on Law and Order SVU, doesn’t mean it wasn’t rape. I am here, crying onto my keyboard writing to other girls to say that it’s ok. It will be ok. We will move on and get through this together. Sorry mom and dad, but men ain’t shit!!! Who run the world? Girls.