A scared entrepreneur.

So hey everyone, I usually don’t share anything over the web. But I wanted to share this story because recently I have seen someone ending their life for this same reason. A bit about myself, I am a 21 years old guy from India who dropped out of college because I wanna do what I love.

Anyways I had my enough share of bad experiences myself from racism, nepotism to bullying & death. We were migrants basically, my parents moved here when I was a baby, so yaa we were poor too so basically tough love. From an early age I experienced both nepotism, bullying and racism because I am black and a migrant, and as I am the first child I got some responsibilities from very early age. And at that time I didn’t knew tough love, I just used to think no one cares about me. But one thing which I thank for is, all that tough love made me really scared of death so ending my life was never an option. Well it surely did made my life a hell but atleast I am not dead. So it went on but at that time I had a very good friend, which we still are. Well we don’t share anything though but even if one person makes you feel like I am with you at every situation, it’s was more than enough for me.

It was like this till 6th standard I guess, after that I lost someone very close to me, which made me to not believe in god and become atheist. I am still an atheist but now as I think back and I think I did the right time by being atheist because that taught me to believe in myself. Because at that time the only person I believed in was god, but after his death I lost the belief in god, and after that I think I truly changed. I changed my personality totally from being a scared guy I tried to become more confident, when someone use to bully me, I started confronting them even though I was fucking scared inside, I didn’t let them see that. I started accepting myself, I use to accept that I am black and it’s not a big deal. But in the early stages it still made me furious and disturbed when someone made fun of me because of my color and ethnicity but I didn’t let them see that. I use to behave like yaa ok it doesn’t bothers me and all.

Which made me kinda introvert, because I can’t share my feelings with anyone. Things started changing after that for sure, I wasn’t bullied anymore, but everything wasn’t smooth yet. One more thing from a very early age I was into tech,my friend’s father had a mobile phone, so I used to visit him a lot. His family loved me a lot, so every time I visited him I used keeping messing with his father’s device, and after that my dad bought a CDMA device in which we can surf internet. I use to surf internet a lot but I didn’t knew anything about internet packs, I didn’t even knew how using money you can recharge your phone. Anyways because of that no one shared their device anymore.

Anyways back to the timeline, so I wasn’t bullied anymore I started making friends in my class in my neighborhood. After 8th standard I lived my school life to the fullest, I bunked my classes, got dismissed from school, had some fights with students and teachers. And one more thing I was into studies a lot, I love science. So academics wasn’t a problem for me after 8th, because of that my parents also stopped worrying about my studies.

Everything was great till I was living my school life, but because of all those early experiences and teenage, I wasn’t truly confident. I use to think that no girl would never say yes to me and I had a lot of crushes during those teenage time. It was the same till 10th, but after 10th results were announced and my father saw I scored really good, he was so proud and admitted me in a very rich school, where only rich kids study.

Anyways one thing that I realize now is my parents did everything they could to give me a better life, it’s just that I couldn’t understand that at time, and now as I grown up and I see through there perspective, they did everything right for me. They weren’t the problem at that time, I was a mess, my parents were busy earning enough to never let me experience poverty and all the bad experiences they had. And specially my mom, even though she use to beat me and all, she made me what I am today. She taught me to be strong to never show your weakness to anyone, how to hide your feelings and just focus on the goal, and things like success is the best revenge, she really taught me how to be independent and to be confident. And I can never thank her enough for that.

Now back to the story timeline, I am in 11th standard now in a rich kids school, well I had a great experience in that school. I learned a lot, apart from studies I experienced a lot when you’re the only one in the school who talks in hindi, just because he isn’t that confident to talk in english in front of others, and stuff like when your parents aren’t rich as there parents are. Anyways it wasn’t a big deal for me, because I just use to ignore this stuff and when my teachers use to ask me something and expected me to answer in english, I was always like okay I am out of the class, there was a time when I use to leave my botany classes by myself, when my teacher entered the classroom. High school was a very different experience for me because at that time I learned a lot about the real world and money. Because I was in a rich kids school, I learned there lifestyle, their way of thinking, about societies, about making money and all those adult stuff. I was just 14 at that time, so that was so new for me. I never thought of money like this, and my parents never let me experienced or taught anything about money. Anyways that was my teenage years, so I did what most of the high school teen does, drugs, bunking classes, rebellion personality. Also I loved tech but my parents wanted me to be a doctor, which also created a lot of tension in the family. A lot of things happened at that time, but in the end I can say that after all those experiences, I was a guy who had his future planned to be a software engineer, because I already knew how to code. I was confident and life was good.

After my 12th my next big experience happened, at 16 I had my first relationship. Everything was great in that relationship my parents were supportive her family was supportive until a year later she broke up on a phone call without giving me any reason. That was very dark time for me, because the worst part was I can’t share this with anyone, and my mom kept asking me about her. That breakup taught me a lot, I learned to really being independent, and her dad made me realize that how important money is if you wanna get the girl you love. After that I was really passionate about making money, I dropped out of college and started learning about business, and entrepreneurship. And now I am 21 and this entrepreneurship taught me a lot about real life, about peoples, their mindset, their lifestyle, the market, audiences and most importantly I learned how to use all this to make money.

Well I don’t know how my life will turn out there is still chances that it can go all wrong, I don’t know about my future but at least I won’t have any regrets after this, because I realized that this is my thing and I can work for days without even realizing. Well I had some success along the way, so I still believe in myself. But it has some of it cons too, like when things goes wrong, now you don’t have anyone to share with and no one to blame to, it was all my decisions. And gets really scary sometimes when you don’t see where you’re going.

Anyways now I have learned how to handle these kinda thoughts, so it’s manageable for me, but recently I have seen someone ending their life because of depression, he was much more successful than I am. I wasn’t close to him at all but it just that when I heard his story about why he killed himself, it made me realize that these kinda thoughts use to haunt me too and how difficult it was but there are some person who doesn’t have privileges like a very good friend, a great family. So for them too, this isn’t the end, time goes on, so just find one thing you love to do the most and just keep doing it.

At last I wanted to add some things which I learned along the way, like it’s your fault if you die poor, and at every point of life everyone will try to put you down it’s your job to rise up. Anyways that enough motivational speech but that’s what I truly believe in.