A Messy Truth

Dedication: “Step-Father”

My mom met my stepfather when I was 4 1/2 almost 5 years old she met him in 2009 got engaged in 2010 and has been engaged since then. He basically raised me because my father moved states. That’s not the point of the story though, you may be thinking he’s a really nice guy but he’s not. I have 3 sisters I’m the youngest, my oldest sister started working with him when she was 15 then my other older sister also at 15 we all started at the age of 15. He has always been a playful guy but he took it way too far. He started “playing” with my sisters first the oldest then the 2nd but never touched the 3rd, but he touched me. I was 16 when he had started from what I can remember my memory from my childhood is extremely foggy. At first he would just make comments on my butt or my body telling me I need to lose weight or that my boobs and butt look nice but my stomach doesn’t and that I would look prettier if I didn’t have fat, yes I am a bigger girl but he’s also been with me through my whole childhood I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety since I was 10. After the weight and body comments he then would touch my shoulders and shake me from my shoulders, try to put me in a choke hold “jokingly”, he would kick the back of my knees to try and make me fall. He isn’t a lovable guy at all he is very misogynistic and sexist. He moved on to then grazing his hand over my butt and my boobs one day even went as far as try to grab my butt. He never in a millions years would I think I would be touched like that, I’m not an affectionate person I haven’t been in a while I used to be all about love then I grew up and realized I hated it. Got my heartbroken young and been pushed away ever since so I don’t try to get a guy or anyone for that matter I don’t want a relationship nor do I crave one. After my sisters and I told our mother what he had done to us she told us we were lying and that he was just joking and it was just a game, I didn’t know touching my ass and boobs were a game. My life is just a game huh, I was in that depressed mood for a while and I got caught with the marks on my thighs and I was made fun of by him for it, saying you really shouldn’t do that your ruining your body and that stuff isn’t good for you, you should of thought of a better way. Like wow bro thanks. I wasn’t one to cry but for months I cried to myself cried myself to sleep and because I worked morning shifts with him I had to make it look like I wasn’t crying because why am I going to make him feel like he won hell no, I have stayed strong for a while I’ve put walls up I barely talk to anyone but I haven’t talked to anyone a lot for years. I lost a lot throughout the years and I’m only 18 just 2 weeks ago I lost my great grandma and I only cried twice and I don’t like it bc I loved her and she was an amazing woman and it breaks my heart that I couldn’t cry more she didn’t know what he had done to us and I never got the chance to tell her. Anywho thank you for reading the mess of my life if you did read it I’m sorry lol, I’m getting better and I am seeking out help I promise. I wish you well!

Photo credit: Image provided by the storyteller.