Trigger warning: Before reading this post, please be aware that it contains references to rape.
When I was in my first year in university, I got r**** by a friend… I was a virgin at that time. He invited me over to play a game. I had no idea he was going to drug me & have his way. It was insane cause when I couldn’t even remember what happened that night, he told me about it in the morning & told me not to tell anyone. “What is this? I didn’t want this? Why did you do this?” I asked, He said I asked him for sex, in my intoxicated state…. How did I get intoxicated? I didn’t have anything alcoholic or anything. his female friend came over & saw the blood on his bed, he denied anything happened between i & him. He was ashamed of what he done. Even though he hurt me, I forgave him. At least I thought I did. Four months later, he told his girlfriend about what happened & he felt guilty. His girlfriend came to talk to me & asked that I forgave him regardless. Two years later (2021), he came to me with an apology. The only reason I had to listen to him was because my friend was almost a victim to him, but fortunately for her, she wasn’t drugged, & she still forgave him. Two years after (2023), I felt like I had to tell my mother about it, so I did. She told me she hated me, she regretted giving birth to me, she called me a whore, a prostitute, she said that I fantasized about rape & I deserved to be raped, she called me a liar, she said a lot nasty things about never forgiving me. She then brought up a past scenario of when she went through my phone 4 years ago, & saw a chat between I & my friend talking about how I liked a boy & my friend told me to go have sex with him. It was so unfair. Then she told my siblings that I was tying to pit them against eachother. When I tried to leave the house the first time, she took my phone away. When I tried to leave the house the second time, she had two men hold me & drag me back in, then she beat me. She really tore my skin. She gave me headaches from all the punches she gave me to my head. Then she dragged me into an unventilated, dirty room & locked me in it for 4-5 hours. We saw the next day, she gave me back my phone & said if the rape ruined my life, I wouldn’t be happy or focused on the good things of life. She said the only reason I still think about it is because I’m fat & my weight depresses me. This happened just last week.
I don’t know how to feel about all of this… anyways, it’s a lot.